06 October 2012 @ 01:30 pm
158 Days with no sugar  
Well, day 158. Thought I'd tell you how it was going.

My first big hurdle was Balticon at the end of May, which came and went with little fuss. I did eat a "Men in Black III Commemorative Donut," and accidentally someone gave me a Caffeine Free (but not sugar free) Coke, but that was the first indication my body got over HFCS. Since then, I have only ingested a few sugar items, both recipes Scarlet made because, well, I wanted to see how good a cook she was (and she's good). She did hit me both times, though. I have been to several events where danishes and cake were served since May, and I avoided them. My new job has been the first real test, because there's a public candy bowl right near my desk that is constantly refilled, and twice a week, due to the huge amount of meetings and demos my company does, leftover catered food. Plus, they have this "sorta-mandatory health program" for fat employees such as myself, which I have been told by my boss "is not enforced." Good thing, that coach (who only comes in twice a month) is a bitch. First time I ever bought gym clothes since I had to buy my gym uniform in high school.

Anyway, the biggest test is coming: the holidays. Pies, cakes, cookies, candy, and other sweets loom on the horizon like a dark storm. This is where the rubber meets the road, as most people on diets know. But for me, I use "diet" in the original sense, "what one eats" instead of what it's turned into, "I eat less for an unspecified amount of time." And really, [i]I am doing fairly well[/i]. Recently, the SAD I have is coming, which I need to manage, and I have had some cravings of up to 5 on a scale of 1-10 far more frequently. But a few days, ago, I was in Wal-Mart, walking down a candy aisle that was so epic in scale, it seemed like out of a cartoon. I really should have taken photos. Rows and rows of orange boxes, filled to overflowing with large bags of candy, and not just the ghetto kind: GOOD candy like brand name chocolates and sweets. Kit-Kats, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Tootsie Pops, Hershey Bars, Kisses, M&Ms... you all know the names. I walked down the aisle like I was walking down some holy land of candy. I marveled at the opulence and spectacle of sugar and happy memories afforded to the good people of this land. Just one $3-$5/bag could buy a chocolate coma-like bliss that would last for hours as the salty-sweet aroma of cocoa and peanut butter swirled in my skull and led me to a happy land of good dreams.

And yes, despite all that poetry I just spewed forth... I didn't feel the need to grab a bag. There was no wanting, no whimpering, no pangs of regret, nor a lustful craving of what once was. I appreciated it for its beauty, but didn't have a desire to have it. Kind of like being in a museum of fine art. Part of my mouth "remembers" the metallic tang it got the few times I did have HFCS or lots of sugar, and that seemed to switch everything off since I also get the same tang with migraines. I have the same reflex with vinegar; it reminds me of vomit, so I never crave it and gag when I taste it.

Maybe by November, I'll be elbow deep in a bowl of hot fudge, cackling like a crazy person as the sweet chocolaty goodness dribbles down my chin and fills my veins. I cannot say "oh, this is for good" with any certainty. I don't understand what made me decide May 1st was "the day" and why it's not been nearly as hard as I would have guessed in April if I had any warning I'd be starting such a journey. I don't know what "switched off" so I can't say it wouldn't just "switch on" 10 minutes after I hit the "Update Journal" button. Or happen tomorrow. Or October 31st, when I make the Trick or Treat goodie bags. Or Christmas Day, when there is always a lot of food.

I will say one thing: people say I am brave.

They also call food high in fat or sugar, "junk food" or "bad food" like something is wrong with it. I think those are both wrong. "Junk food" is fucking delicious. Don't lie to yourself or others. Understand excess of candy is a poor health decision, but don't label it as evil and then hate yourself for succumbing to sin; it's not mentally healthy to do so. These food just are what they claim to be. They don't hide the fact they are high in calories and carbs. If they did, then they might be evil. But there's an awful lot of "health food" out there that isn't. Bottled water, "diet foods," and artificial sweeteners. That's what you have to watch out for, IMHO.

Also, stop picking on fat people because they are fat. We all have our own struggles. What a LOT of people do is hate fat people because they are some projected image of one's own desires unfulfilled. "They are allowed to have a pint of ice cream in one sitting, not me... and I HATE THEY FLAUNT THIS EXCESS I CANNOT HAVE!" You can have a pint of ice cream like anyone else. You just chose not to, because you have a different diet than the fat person does. Stop picking on them, and focus on you. Do not hate or pity the overweight. It's just harmful for you, because they will more than likely continue to be fat and you'll have to deal with it. Let them manage.
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( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
shuttergalshuttergal on October 6th, 2012 04:05 pm (UTC)
Having lived in Portland, can't tell you the number of folks who SWEAR by adding the old vitamin D. Like everyone who has tried it.
Aurienne: aquamandance store-fastwiggleaurienne on October 6th, 2012 06:38 pm (UTC)
esp. re: your last paragraph, you may like the site http://www.fatnutritionist.com. She says a lot of our bad eating is based on feelings of deprivation, so we developed the survival skill of eating "too much" when we could. Since I know you mentioned you have trouble detecting hunger, I wonder if that's part of your issue. You realize it's been too long, so then your body wonders when it may forget again. Her advice is to give yourself permission to eat, set timers to remind yourself X times per day. Note how different things make you feel, long & short term, and use that to help in the future. She's not about getting skinny, just about getting healthier, whatever that means for each individual. (I haven't lost weight this year, but I say I'm healthier since my knee rarely hurts, due to the added walking (striiv gaming pedometer).
montuos: nazgullsmontuos on October 7th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
...don't label it as evil and then hate yourself for succumbing to sin; it's not mentally healthy to do so.

On the side of a box of Geraldine's Cheese Straws (at least when I was getting them for a while a few years ago) it says, "It's a treat. Get over it."
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )