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I can't order coffee [Sep. 17th, 2008|07:03 pm]
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I am Starbucks-lexic. My brain can't retain words from Starbucks menus for more than a few seconds. It's the same black hole sports terms go and it's as annoying as heck.

The first problem is the tall-grande-venti-hula-moogoogaipan size scheme. Total nonsense. I'd like a small, medium, large, and Big Gulp. Then they have latte, cafe, espresso, americano, macchiato, and mocha-hou-hou.

I can't order "a large vanilla iced coffee," because believe me, I have tried! I get a response that sounds like mock Italian.

"You want an ice minty mecka-lekka hai mecka hini ho?"

"Sure..." and then I get a shoe with cheese on it.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]digitalsidhe
2008-09-17 11:28 pm (UTC)

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The solution is obvious: Don't patronize Starbuck's! Instead, get your coffee someplace where they'll take an order in English.

(I don't drink coffee, myself, but I hear good things about Peet's. Do they have those on the East Coast?)
[User Picture]From: [info]pianodan
2008-09-18 12:40 pm (UTC)

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mmmm... cheese shoe... nomnomnom
[User Picture]From: [info]ironkite
2008-09-18 01:15 pm (UTC)

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On the rare occasion I have to stoop so damn low to patronize our Charbucks (like if the 7-11 or Royal Farms is out of coffee), this is how I order.

Me: Large Coffee, one shot of espresso (most have NO clue what a redeye or hammerhead is, so don't bother)
Them: Venti?
Me: Yeah, the big one, with one shot. And top it off, no room for cream.
Them: Ok, that will be X.XX (this usually induces inverse sticker shock in the people in front of me who just got their loan approved for their mega mocha mint vanilla pumpkin half twist skim frappachino three pump almond half caf venti coffee abomination.)
Me: (money)
Them: Here's your really odd cup of just plain coffee, with one espresso shot. (most acting puzzled because they didn't have to blend, pump, shake and otherwise take out a building permit for the drink. One button for the espresso, one lever for the coffee.)

I proceed to put 2 honey packets in it. I picked that habit up from Peter Beagle, and even adulterate my coffee like that sometimes at home.