Many years ago, I was watching two girls fight in a campus parking lot. One of them was a friend of a friend, Diana. Diana was a pretty big girl, about 5'10" and had broad shoulders. While she was always pleasant in person, the second she got on the court to play volleyball, she was one bad motherfucker. I was told she tried out of the Olympics at one point, and almost made the final cut. I was hanging out with her friends, and at some point when I wasn't paying attention, some sorority chick (nice blouse, French tip nails, lots of eyeliner and makeup) started a fight with her. I believe it was because she was accusing Diana of leaning on her car, and "messing up the paint." Diana denied this, of course, because she was leaning on her own car, a rather beat up Honda Civic.
I came into the game when Diana started beating the girl, but I was told it started off friendly with Diana saying, "Be cool, which is your car? I never touched that. I don't know you, what's your name?" but the sorority girl started getting in Diana's face. Finally, some of Diana's friends started to try and diffuse the situation, and the sorority girl grabbed one of her friends by the hair and pulled her to the pavement.
So Diana grabbed HER by the hair, and slammed her face into the roof of her own car. I recall the conversation went something like this (each "WHAM" is her slamming the sorority girl face-first into the door jam by the roof of her hatchback):
Diana: [WHAM] I don't think that was very smart.
Sorority Girl: FUCK YOU BITCH I'LL CUT YOU--
Diana: [WHAM] Now calm down, girl. You apologize to my friend here, she meant no harm.
Sorority Girl: I know GUYS WHO WILL KICK YOU ASS--
Diana: [WHAM] Now, if I were you, I'd look at this situation and ask myself, "Is this really smart? Will this conversation lead me to greater things in my relationships with fellow students?"
Sorority Girl: [now with a mildly bloody face] I- I WILL FUCK YOU UP, BITCH, I--
Diana: [WHAM] This isn't going how you planned, is it?
Sorority Girl: i fuck you up...
Diana: [WHAM] That's a really pretty blouse. If I had a blouse like that, I'd worry about getting it all bloody. You gonna calm down now?
Sorority Girl: [now face is red, swollen, and she's bleeding from the nose and mouth] youu... fuck you... gonna... youuu
Diana: [WHAM] I don't think you got much more fight in you, girl. I'd say you're sorry before you go unconscious. 'Cause then I might take that blouse and leave you here.
Sorority Girl: [slightly disoriented, staggering] I... [sigh] [slumps] I'm sorry.
Diana: Don't say it to me. Say it to her. [turns girl's head to friend]
Sorority Girl: [to friend] I'm so sorry [starts to cry, can barely stand]
Diana: [turns girl's head back to her] Now that's better.
Sorority Girl: [in tears] You want my blouse now?
Diana: [laughs] No, I don't want your blouse. Come on, you okay? You want me to take you to the campus nurse?
Sorority Girl: [sniff] No.
Diana: I can drive you. See, having a piece of shit car like this makes you not worry about getting dents or blood on it. You wanna hug?
Sorority Girl: [sniff] Okay... [hug] [starts sobbing]
It's been almost 20 years since I saw that. I have no idea what happened after the girl sort of staggered away, crying. I don't think Diana got into any trouble over it, and I wonder if the sorority girl was so ashamed or scared to report her to campus police. One of the things I respected about Diana was how cool she was despite the force she was beating the sorority girl into the car. I mean, she nearly beat the girl unconscious, and if she broke some of the girl's teeth, it wouldn't have surprised me. But Diana was completely even tempered and in control throughout the whole thing. And when it was done, she didn't want to talk about it, but I think she once joked, "I don't think her blouse would have fit me." I always felt if I ever had the upper hand in a fight like that, I would act like Diana. She was my hero.
Of course, I married a bad assed girl. I married a woman who, when her arm was in a cast, beat someone up with her broken arm in the cast. That's right, she used her own injury as a weapon. takayla is so embarrassed when I tell that story, but it's too impressive not to share.