punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

State of things

Right now, I have a bad headache. It's been the same infection I have had since December, and it won't go away. At times, the pain is so bad, I am brought to tears. I have seen the doctor several times, got referred to an poker-faced ENT specialist who wrote me up for a CAT scan and was done with me in 4 minutes after 30 minutes in a waiting room where he went through half a dozen people in those 30 minutes. CAT scan is scheduled for Thursday.

Both my wife and son are out of work. My son has a badly messed up knee he can't get fixed because he has no job and thus no health insurance. He can't get disability because he can technically work sitting down, but there are no entry office jobs. My wife can work, but there are no jobs to be had for her skills, either, and she applies to at least two jobs a week. She spends house a day, looking for work on the web, seeing the same job postings over and over. She has only been to four interviews in a year. She was once under the president of her company, and know what he's doing? Painting houses. A guy who once ran a shipping company, making six figures, is painting houses. Things are bad out there, folks.

Yet I am happier than I have been in a while. I don't know why, but I think part of it has to do with this realization that I have started to do the things in life I have always wanted to do. I am 41 years old and the following has happened to me:

- I am still married to a woman I love
- I have a son I love
- I have some additional children I love who live close
- I have a "sister" who is a dear friend
- My depression, while still there, is at a lifetime low and has been for over a year
- I have awesome friends, meet interesting and amazing people constantly, and end up doing weird and unusual things that would have seriously impressed me as a kid and teenager.
- I am older and starting to get to this "I don't care what people think at my age" attitude, which is giving me enormous freedom.
- I have a house, still have Legos, and play with computers all day as *a job*
- I still have cats. And a Pekingese! And a Pomeranian, which pretty much makes my house a TS Elliot saga.
- I still write. People like my writing.

Dear sweet mercy, how did I end up here? Awesome!
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