punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,


Can I just rant for a second? This is just one of my pet peeves, and I know I am probably going to sound whiny, but let me state for the record that I HATE VINEGAR.


I know I am the only one in a world who wouldn't drink it straight from the bottle or nurse it from their mother's teat, but vinegar to me tastes so revoltingly sour, that I cannot fathom why people intentionally put it on food products. I can maybe stomach it in small amounts where the taste is diluted by other things (like sushi). Maybe even balsamic vinegar, which seems to be vinegar and corn syrup. But vinegar is the number one reason I do not put ANY salad dressing on salad. Almost ALL are vinegar based, or if they are not, the have a rotting diary product as a base (like ranch). Just the WORD vinegar makes me ill, as I was reminded of this morning when I got trapped in a conversation of people talking about salad dressings. I would have stopped them, but I was actually afraid if I opened my mouth, I would throw up.

So today, I just wanted a meatball sub from Subways. It's cheap, it's there, and I forgot to pack my lunch. The girl behind the counter, like usual, does not speak English. She knows words phonetically, which is a problem in a crowded sub shop. At one point, she just asked what she thought was a phrase that sounded like, "Imma no parhsen?" I said, "No, just salt and pepper and oregano?" "Neegganu?" she asks. "Oregano," I said, pointing to the oregano shaker. She then takes out the bottle of vinegar (which was next to the oregano), and starts splashing it on.

"NO NO!" I said.

She stared at me dumbly, and keeps splashing it on in a different pattern as if I was telling her not to splash it on in an even pattern, but short bursts.

"NO VINEGAR!" I said, recoiling in horror as the smell hits me and my esophagus closes up. My stomach clenches like I accidentally swallowed gasoline.

"... Neegganu?" she asks, confused.

The manager (I think) next to her says something in their language, and she goes, "Hooooh..." and starts brushing off the meatballs. I would rant about her stupid actions, but in all honesty, she probably had NO idea what the hell to do. I have also done dumb things when I think someone is yelling at me.

"No, I cannot have vinegar on a meatball sub. You need to start over."

"Sta... ovah?" she asks, pointing to the banana peppers.

"I give you... two dollars off, kokay?" says the manager.

"I can't have ANY vinegar on my meatball sub. ANY. I am allergic to it," I lied, but it was better than going through a longer explanation.

"Yah yah, two dollar off. New sub. Go!" he said to the girl.

So I got a new sub. No vinegar. But now as I sit here, I am sick to my stomach. I had to force myself to eat the sub, even though it had no vinegar, just because I smelled it earlier. You have to understand, vinegar smells like earwax, vomit, and gasoline to me. Even a durian doesn't make that ill from the smell alone. You know that feeling just after you threw up and your mouth can only taste the stomach bile? Like that. Vinegar tastes like I just threw up, and threw up a poison.

I have to admit, the fact people love it so much, and put it on crab legs, french fries, salads, and the like is akin to living in a world where you are the only one who is not a zombie, and everyone else is eating rotting flesh, bugs, and brains. And they can't understand what's wrong with you.
Tags: vinegar
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