punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Dyson's Corner


So, this seems like one of those "invest a problem and sell the solution" ploys. Never once did I complain about "buffeting" by any fan. But I thought, "what the hell," when I recently saw demo models at Best Buy, Target, and BJs (a local Costco/warehouse kind of store). In each case, the demo was broken, which doesn't impress me very much. I am not sure if they were unplugged, broken due to constant poking by the unwashed masses known as customers, or I just can't feel it because the entire thing is a modern version of the Emperor's clothing. There were no LEDs to indicate power was going to them, and the demo units are in one of those all-in-one demo boxes where you can't exactly see if there's a plug that needs to be plugged in.

So I read what's in the box, and on their website. Or their ads.

"Dyson Air Multiplier™ fans work differently from conventional fans," say the ads, trademarking things like they are afraid someone will steal fire from their tribe of cave people. "They use Air Multiplier™ technology to draw in air and amplify it – from 15 to 18 times, depending on the model." Yeah... like a fan. That's how ALL fans work since Cleopatra!

"With no blades or grille, they’re safe and easy to clean." Okay, dude... I have never seen anyone injured by a house fan. Ever. As kids, my friends and I would stop them with our fingers. The grill can get clogged with hair, I will give you that, but I just, you know, CLEAN THEM. Like my ceiling fans get cobwebs. OH NO, WHAT AM I GOING TO D-- oh, wait, I have a $2.00 duster. Problem solved. Also, no blades? REALLY? Looking at his video, he explains that he uses no blades, but a mixed flow impeller that sucks the air in... wait, a "mixed flow impeller?" What is that? I looked it up. It looks like this which obviously is a bladed device. On top of that, my biggest issue with any fan I have bought it the motor eventually burns out, which this does not address in the slightest. In fact, it seems to hint that a replacement motor would be more than I paid for all the a fans I have ever bought since I have gotten married in 1990.

Oh, wait. There's more. "And they produce an uninterrupted stream of smooth air, with no unpleasant buffeting," the ads state. So much for Margaritaville. What the heck is this? "The blades on conventional fans cause unpleasant buffeting because they chop the air before it hits you." So this magical wing design will take the "unchopped mixed flow impeller drawn air," amplify it with a wing, and solve a problem I never had in the first place.

And at $300... you better impress me, Dyson. So far? I laugh at you. And point. And fix your demo units.
Tags: dyson
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