punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

The end of the world... as he knows it


On May 21, "starting in the Pacific Rim at around the 6 p.m. local time hour, in each time zone, there will be a great earthquake, such as has never been in the history of the Earth," he says.

One of the things I have noticed about these sorts of things is how they align ancient Biblical prophesies with modern things like year numbers and concepts of time zones.

Jesus: Dad? It's nearly 6:15...
God: Shit, is it Saturday already??

"I've crunched the numbers, and it's going to happen," Haubert says. I know the sound of disappointment will blare louder than the horns on that Sunday the 22nd. The trumpets will die out like some kind of anti-vuvuzela, and one year too late.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...! Let me play you the song of my people. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...!

"Personally, I've always relied on Calgon to take me away," says someone in the comments section. "Hasn't let me down yet, either." Someone on Reddit suggested we buy a lot of blow-up sex dolls, fill them with helium, and release them en masse at once when the Rapture is supposed to come. That would be epic, Rapture or not.

Haubert is 33 and single. He could use a few sex dolls.

On May 21st, I will be stressing a little over my new book. I hope the Kindle version is out by then, and the print copy is cutting it close to my planned book signing on Friday night the 27th. Balticon. I am gonna plug that book so hard, it will break cheaper power strips. On the 22d, Kieran will have his 10th birthday, and we can't miss a chance at some time at Chuck-ee-Cheese's.

But apart from that, this will steal some of the fire and brimstone many were predicting about December 21, 2012, when the Mayan Calendar runs out of sheets of Dilbert Cartoons. That will be one Yule log that will burn bring on my patio. Anyway, aksident will have graduated from high school by then, and she can take over as empress; she's got Meso-American blood and can put in a good word for you with her fancy GED. Just made battalion commander of JROTC, too. She can fly a plane. She's the kind of empress I can get behind.
Tags: balticon, bible, cult, rapture
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