punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Hopefully the last thing about Sara A, and some thoughts towards 2004

I got yet another letter today from one of Sara A's friends (I won't name her in case there's some political war going on). They are good people. Not that she slammed Sara, but she said she missed me and "where have you been?", which was real sweet. It's nice to be missed, and I feel real bad about everything, but I just don't want to piss Sara off any more or even talk about her (because, after all, that's what she was pissed about in the first place). The trouble is that her message board has this "e-mail notification" alert that whenever someone sends me mail on the BBS, and I can't reply to it, so I have the awkward duty to locate their real e-mail address and inform them of, "Uh... see, Sara and I had this falling out see... please don't hate her, she's not a bad person, some people just don't get along..." This speaks well of Sara, IMHO, because if she's pissed at me, she's not taken the low road and bashed me to anyone. I'd like to keep it that way, but there's no real way to e-mail everyone and tell them what happened unless they read my journal. So I will get these notifications, and tell people one by one. But that sucks because I miss that community and feel like I am watching them through a windowpane on a cold winter's night (you know, like the cliche of a Victorian street orphan) and sometimes I see them at the table, wondering where I am. "I'm here, I'm here!" I shout, but they cannot see me though the glass. Okay, that's overdramatic and pathetic! :)

Yeah, I miss the board, but this is probably for the best. I think I spent a lot of time there that I could have been spending time elsewhere, like learning new technologies, writing, or something. My journal has certainly expanded, and I have proof when I see my download statistics from my backup. My web page, which used to fit on a floppy in 1999, is now 15.6mb! Yeesh! Why do you people put up with this stuff?

Which leads me to my next thought: 2004. I am curious if my diary will go on past 2003. When I started this diary/journal/blog thing, I thought there was only a 10% chance I'd be writing in it past March. I am glad I have kept up with everything, because this diary has gone thought a war, a space shuttle disaster, and many personal struggles. I read back on it a lot, and I know this journal will be valuable to me in many, many years. I hope my son gets a copy when he's 34/35, and compares his thoughts to mine. Here is my list:

- I get many positive comments, which is always nice.
- The negative comments aren't so bad, either. They help me analyze myself.
- I can see where I've been.
- I have a repository of my life's stories I can just link to instead of typing it out because I am lazy.
- I have a permanent record (unless all backups fail) of my thoughts I made public.
- Writing this diary is cathartic, and the fact everyone can see it forces me to stay honest.

- Vulnerability to people like Benny and The-BBS-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named
- Taking up Brad's hard drive space
- I have a permanent record (unless all backups fail) of my thoughts I made public.

Well, we shall see.

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000229.html
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