punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Vacation dreams... and alien etiquette

Well, I didn't make it to New York like I planned, so I have been lounging around and sleeping late. Also doing some housework. Nate brought by some Gamecube games, and I realized just how bad I am at them. I played GTA3 a lot. This makes for a boring journal. So I dug into my vault of old text clippings, and pulled this one from a December 1992 posting by a guy I only knew as "LORD MHORAM:"

=========================================================
This thread reminds me of a short story I read in a book called "Microcosmic Tales" (a collection of SHORT short SF)... anyway, here's an excerpt from "Useful Phrases for the Tourist" by Joanna Russ:

AT THE PARTY:
- Is that you?
- Is that all of you? How much (many) of you is (are) there?
- I am happy to meet your clone
- Are you edible? I am not edible.
- Is this intended to be erotic?
- Are you pregnant?
- Can't we just be friends?
- Although I am very flattered by your kind offer, I cannot accompany you to the mating pits, as I am viviparous.

IN THE HOSPITAL:
- My eating orifice is not at that end of my body.
- Placing the thermometer there will yield little or no information.

AT THE THEATRE:
- Is this supposed to be erotic?
- Is this part of the performance?
- My religious convictions prevent me from joining in the performance.
- Stop touching me.
- Sir or Madam, that is mine (extrinsic).
- Sir or Madam, that is mine (intrinsic).


This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000266.html
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