This started when I worked the night desk in 1998. I was working that midnight-noon shift, and it just totally ruined my sleep pattern. Add to this, the whole "BBS-that-shall-not-be-named" thing happened at the same time this started, which left me hurt, confused, and very angry. I worked this desk for a year and a half, and after I got another job, I was never quite the same. The problem comes in waves, and in the last six months, it's gotten worse. I know it's related to stress somehow, what with work, my grandmother, money, friends in pain, and just a ton of extra stuff going on. I usually get sleepy around 11pm, and then go to sleep, only to wake up around 1am with the feeling of sheer panic. My heart is pounding, I have obviously been breathing hard, and I have this feeling of loss, fear, and uncertainty like I have forgotten something really important. I get up, go on the computer or read for a few hours, then go to bed, and rest peacefully until I have to get up at 6. I am getting about 2-3 hours a night sleep during these waves, and it's tiring me out considerably. The doctor said it was probably heartburn, but I don't have any sort of reflux, stomach issues, and didn't address the whole nagging, "I must DO something," urgency of the whole thing.
This doesn't happen on weekends, or when I am on vacation, but seems to happen a lot when there are stresses in my life, which is why I think there's something psychological attached to it. I just have this feeling like I should be running around, doing something... anything, but housework is next to impossible because I'd keep everyone else awake. So I usually go down to my den, and work on my computer, rubbing my eyes and yawning like a sleepy toddler, until this weird "sense of urgency" goes away. I also have trouble falling asleep, my brain seems to literally need to tire out before it just collapses.
I have considered seeing a therapist about this, but until I have $60/week mad money to spend, that ain't gonna happen.
n33|> m0r 5l33p! |>|5 5uXX0rz...
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