I have no idea if he is or is not "pussywhiped" (a term meaning a husband who lets his wife do anything to him), but I find it depressing that so many people would automatically think so. In my case, when I got married, Christine never asked for me to sell my old D&D stuff, but there have been many times I have considered selling it. When you are married, you start a new life together. And for me, gaming was an excuse to be social, and now that I was married, I could spend a lot of my previous free social time with my new wife. I wouldn't have married her if I couldn't stand her. It makes me wonder why some people even get married.
A lot of men make assumptions about women that aren't correct, and women make a lot of assumptions about men that are weird, too. I once thought of doing a performance art film based on stereotypes. The scene would be a pink-themed living room. There is a man, a woman, and a small child. The man is fat, balding, and drooling. He is wearing a baseball cap, tank top, boxer shorts, mismatched socks, and is sitting on the sofa, holding the remote and scratching his balls. The woman is in a pink frilly robe with her hair in curlers, she's behind the sofa, holding a rolling pin, and sobbing. The kid is wearing only a diaper, and picking his nose vigorously.
Man: [loudly] DUUUH...! DUUUH...! DUUUH...! DUUUH...! DUUUH...!
Woman: [in rhythm] WAAAH...! WAAAH...! WAAAH...! WAAAH...! WAAAH...!
Kid: [pounds floor like chimp] AIIIEE!!! AIIIEE!!! AIIIEE!!! AIIIEE!!! AIIIEE!!!
It would just be this for an hour.
What's made it worse is this "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" crap. I have watched a few shows where this guy who wrote the series goes on and on about stuff, using the same vague definitions as dime store astrologers. If I were to write a book, it's be like a pamphlet, and I wouldn't sell very many copies. Here's my relationship advice, In no real order:
- Respect each other's opinions
- Pick your battles
- Hold no secrets from each other
- Communicate constantly
- Praise more that criticize
No matter what sex they are.
The biggest errors I have ever seen or made is based on this assumption: "If I do this, my partner will think this..." I still make that mistake from time to time; I'm not perfect. But my marriage has lasted a long and fairly trouble-free 15 years because we're both logical and pretty rational people. I could not imagine wanting to marry someone I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted a partner. So did she. Yes, sometimes we do fight, but it never lasts long.
I find a lot of relationships fail because one has made some pretty incorrect assumptions, who temporarily changed who they are simply because they anted to attract a certain person. If you don't wear makeup normally, and hate to wear makeup, you shouldn't use makeup to attract a guy because when you stop wearing it, he might not be attracted to you anymore. If you are a guy who wants adventure woman, so you hang out around the ski chalet picking up snow bunnies, don't be surprised that she still wants to continue her life of skiing. If the guy sleeps around, chances are, he'll sleep around after marriage, too. If you date based only on looks, you'll be disappointed when the looks change with age. First, you have to determine what you really want, not what society dictates. There are also those who make false assumptions like "Asian women make the best wives," or "Redheads are good in bed." Truth is, Asians and redheads makes the same wifey/sexy makeup as any other group of people.
I have met so many women and men that "defy the stereotype" that I just assume that we're all equaled out in the end. You can make some generalizations based on culture, but those are never reliable enough to be effective or useful for picking a life partner. And the worst has to be those who think that marriage will change a spouse:
When a woman takes a man to the altar, as she goes down the isle, she will sing a hymn: "Isle altar hymn!" - Benny Hill
If the guy games when you married him, he'll probably still game afterwards. If she has a big social life, she'll probably keep those friends. If you don't accept the person as they are, don't keep the relationship up. You'll only hurt each other in the end. I have seen so many bad relationships linger like a dragging corpse because each one hopes the other will change, and for reasons of basic insecurity, hate to give up what they have worked so hard for, because who knows when another partner would come along and accept them for who they are? Well, they don't accept you for who you are now, what's the difference? Give up the sure loss for at least a chance for something better.
But in this case, they guy admit he hasn't used the cards in 5 years, and he had his wife sell them because she knew Ebay better than he did. But a lot of guys (and even a few girls) in the thread wouldn't believe his testimony. "Testimony of a whipped man," they say. Without even knowing these people. Some of the comments are just outrageous, like "It takes up that much space in the closet for 2 binders and two small boxes of cards? She prolly needs to make room for her stuffed animals or dolly collection," and "this horrible woman has found some niche of her new husband's life that connects him to the old ways, and she's out to destroy it." No proof. Now, if the listing said, "We're married, and it's time to get rid of the child's toys. My lazy-ass husband is all whiny and won't sell, but I will do it for him, just like everything else." Then, THEN, I would believe that she's manipulative. But so many people are so quick to judge.
This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000497.html