punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

...the Beast of Plondshu? What do you roll for that?

Today, work was a bear. But I can't go into it. Too many lies going back and forth. I'm just a programmer. Tell me what to do, dammit, don't waffle and make up stuff! I actually got this line from another manager today: "I don't send requests by e-mail, it keeps me flexible to change my plans." Gee, thanks! "I don't need documentation, my words have to remain worthless." Thank God that guy is not my boss.

Yet.

So. Things in the Larson household are slowly crawling out of the bomb shelter again, as we look for hints of sunlight. This is such a common theme, I wonder if thanking God for the absence of total darkness is a pathetic sign of denial. Well, I try and "look at the bright side," as it were, that both my grandmother and Fran died, and now I don't have to worry about them dying when I am away somewhere (Otakon, Gencon, etc...). Now all deaths in my life are back to 100% surprise!

I'll talk a little about MSD. Kory spoke with me on Saturday about how he does sales. "No high pressure," he states. This is good. He knows gamers. He knows that pressuring our kind, who hate to part with money, will only drive them away. No tricks. Just quality products, and good friendly service. My biggest fear is not knowing anything about the products, so I have been studying them, and of course, going to the game demos. I suspect I'll be GM'ing at some point, as well. Allison also poured the topics and subtopics of gaming culture upon my brain, using names I haven't heard since I was a heavy gamer in the 1980s. There is no hope to remembering everything, but Kory says I will never be alone at the table, so someone is sure to help me out. I also have a lot of products to study, including one "work" they sell which is written worse than The Eye of Argon (which they acknowledge, but they have to sell it as a campaign series, and people actually buy it). The key here is all the goofy-assed names that sound really implausible in any language:

"From the Moors on Truutryk, G'fnar rode his trutsy steed to Qwerty where he hunted the wild Fnidzorks and ravenous Beast of Plondshu. He called to his trusty henchman, Hozz of Ghjkili, and cleaned his golden weapon, The Reaver of Mixiton, and waited in the still night air, like he did as a lad, back in Q'ok Doy Foopawhoppi."

Comedy gold. Especially because they are serious, in a mopey preteen gamer sort of way. That isn't the real text, the real text is even funnier, but I can't publish it on my website, lest we loose their good standing with us (the rest of their products are actually quite good). I don't even think we put that work on the table, but keep it sealed in a foil-lined bag in a steel lock box under the table, handing it to customers with tongs after they sign a disclaimer that we are not responsible for stomach aches after reading words like "Beast of Plondshu." He also showed me some tricks of the trade, including one clever trick where he puts everything, including his display cases, in his catalog, so he can recoup the damage caused by someone stealing or damaging his show booth. "That, sir, is a $500 display rack. I sell it on page 37! Pay up!"

I wonder, with trepidation, about Gencon. I hope I have a good time. I found out that it's the 30th Anniversary of D&D. Heh. Cool. But I hope I don't get bored; I'm not really a gamer anymore. It's a gift to my former self, and a learning experience.

Maybe I'll meet the Beast of Plondshu!

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000532.html
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