I am probably not going to Otakon. Final decision on this to follow, because it could all be some giant miscommunication by someone who was trying to make me feel better about trying to find a ride. I am ... trying ... to be diplomatic. After all, it could have been said in humor and care. Time will tell.
My contact for the new job I was trying to get? Quit. So much for that. I don't blame him, he got a 6-digit salary offer (with another possible 6-digit annual bonus) at another company (although, he has one year to get them stable defense contracts or he gets no bonus and laid off). I am almost certain I didn't get the job because he said his last weeks working here was to train new employees. What sucks more than anything else about this is that Nate is my friend, and while we'll still be friends, he'll be working elsewhere. I'll miss you, Nate. :-(
Two years ago, I wrote some code for this project that went nowhere. Another team is now using it without giving me credit, but they are getting a lot of pats on the back. I know they got it from the CVS they forced us to use because the help menu has the same format down to the misspellings. And the bugs, which is my karmic revenge. "Ha ha, you couldn't figure out how to stop that, either!" I am not going to say anything about it because we already had one programmer get his hand smacked for saying, "Hey, I wrote that!" He got a nasty, "We all work together, here." It's not a big deal, really, since it's not a major breaking point in our process, but on top of everything else, it's sucking at my soul. Oh, and even worse? After I finished typing this, they fixed my code. Made it better. Dammit, what a blow to my ego.
And I got another reminder I am really off track in my book. I only have 6 chapters and an outline done of 23 chapters. If I don't put fire under the coals soon, I may NOT get this done by the end of the year.
I'm so tired. I know I'm depressed. I am so worn out and so wrung dry that I am pretty useless to anyone. Housework goes undone, bills go unpaid, work goes ... whatever work is doing now. Sometimes projects at work are the only thing keeping me going. Something to do, something to keep my mind off things. Otakon was supposed to be part of that, but now that looks bad, so I'll have to look forward to Gencon.
I do try and see some good news in my life. Like yesterday at Scarlet's party I had a good time. Sean and his family always cheer me up. And if I don't go to Otakon, I'll save some money. I'd probably buy crap I didn't need.
Oh, and Christine finally has a Blog! Yay! It's here.
This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000544.html