punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Worst chicken

Not you, Travis :P

Okay, right now, I am forcing down my lunch. I am having the worst "fried chicken" I have ever been served. No, I don't think it's spoiled, or poisoned, it's just prepared badly. Why?

First, the menu in the cafeteria said "Fried Chicken - 5.95." I had the other item on the menu, "Terragon Tuna wrap," yesterday. It was... well, not horribly bad, but the menu of this place is filled with stuff that sounds like some exotic French chef was trying to impress his mother. "Mustard Chicken with Fennel," and "Rice Pilaf - with Plum Vinagrette." This entry just said "Fried Chicken" with a sub-explanation of the "seasoned flour" it used. Since I didn't want to have a salad, a wrap, or a salad, I ordered the Fried Chicken.

It was a salad. What I actually got was a salad, composed of leathery, limp, vinegary, and dry lettuce that the weak plastic fork they give you cannot puncture, really spicy purple onions, tomatoes with a skin as hard as the lettuce, two ... crouton substitutes (baked torillla wedges which taste like salty paper mache), and the "Fried Chicken" on top of it were actually some kind of cold chicken chunks about the size of popcorn, where half of them were actually just crusty/chewy batter with NO chicken in them, and the total volume of chicken/batter chunks were less than a 4-piece chicken nugget order from a McDonald's Happy Meal. No dressing, either, which isn't as bad as it would be for some, because I don't like dressing. The whole salad has this spicy, vinegary, onion flavor.

In top of that, I HATE salad. I will eat it when forced to, but I wanted A MEAL, and $5.95 is a f**king hell of a lot for a salad. I didn't have a chance to return it because it's one of those assembly line cafeterias where you only find out what your food looks like at the register, and I'd have to backtrack against the traffic flow, create a scene, and then my whole day would be ruined as I spent hours afterwards thinking about what I should have said, but was so angry, I just made a lot of spoonerisms and mixed up syntax. You know, "Chake this thicken back, I fried wanted chicken, not salad this lettuce meal for rabbits... aw, huck it to fell..."

I never can speak right when I get mad.

So I just took it, and I have to eat this wretched "chicken" salad with my fingers because the fork tines broke on the rubber ball sections they probably try and pass off as a tomatoes. I have since found out the cafeteria went "seriously downhill" due to a lobby on campus for a "more healthier menu."

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000557.html
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