Washington's First Nacho stand! It's hard to believe there was a time when we did not have nachos around here. I am guessing this would be around 1984. I read a news article, and supplied my own voices. For some reason, I portrayed the nacho stand owner to be a Foster-style drunk. This harkens back to a time when things like nachos, sushi, and Mexican fast food were almost totally unheard of in this area.
I then go into a speil about crazy people in psychologist's waiting rooms. I am sure my friend April would sympathize. One of my comments was anyone would end up crazy if they had been named "Scooter," which, apparently, one of the patients was. Both. I mean, named Scooter and crazy. He had some tall gangly friend who looked like he could crush ships with his teeth, but had a high-pitched goofy voice. They had a long conversation about a green object they had recently seen which was only described with vague references, and I think it bothered me that I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Then I go into this big thing about psychology tests.
Judging by the story, this would have been when the county sent me out for pyschology testing, either right before or after nearly convicting my father for child abuse and negligence. The settlement was that he would pay for 2 years of therapy. I have to say, after this, my father never wanted to talk to me again, which was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. He might have won the case, but he decided to represent himself, and made such an ass out of himself in court, that... well, that's another LONG story. But two lessons came from this:
1. Never say the real problem is your child doesn't receive ENOUGH abuse. Especially in documentation you wrote for the case. For 5 pages. His own testimony was better than anything the psychologists could have ever had.
2. Never tell the judge he's only a judge because he failed as a lawyer. To his face. After saying you hate lawyers.
Yeah, my dad really did that. That is one of the reasons I believe in God, it was too good to be true. What a gift. Damn, thank you, again, God for the light you shone on the courtroom that day.
Anyway, I go onto describe these tests. Here are some sample questions:
- Do you think someone is trying to poison you?
- Do you believe in the Afterlife?
- School is...
- I am ....
- The best is... (I joked, "Away from home, jacking off!"... pretty risque for me back then)
- Are you paying attention to this test?
- Are you sure you understand the directions to this test
- Do people talk about you behind your back?
- Are you lying? [yes/no]
- Have you answered all of the questions on this test?
- How often do you think about sex?
- How often does your date think about sex?
The tape annoyingly snapped in the middle, and I spent almost an hour and a half resplicing it. We used these cheap dictaphone tapes that came 4/$1.00, we reused them again and again, sometimes dozens and dozens of times. Often, tapes would snap from overuse, and the only way I could fix that tape was because I *still* remember how to fix them. And now they are like 20 years old on top of all that.
This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000627.html