punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

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Today's Rabbit Hole...

Today was like normal, except it was normal in ways that were entirely strange.

Everyone knows I where I work, right? Well, the other embassies on our row were having this huge multi-county yard sale, and I was in front of the Bulgarian embassy where they were selling this... thing, that looked like a slinky, but instead of coils of metal, there were long mental pins held in place by a collar. There was a crank at one end, and instructions on how to make socks and sweater sleeves with this knitting device. It must have dated back to WW2 or something. It came in a wooden box, held together with tape, and instructions in Swedish. I got it for 99 cents, and then an old man with one eye warned me that the knitting machine was cursed! He went on to tell me tales about how his grandmother cut herself on such a machine, and went insane, because they didn't have Band-Aids back in the old country. I turned my head for a second, and when I turned back, he was GONE! Although, later, I saw him eating ice cream in front of Friendly's, warning someone that their waffle cone was CURSED!

So, I am carrying this thing back to my office, when this temp named Luno...

Okay, about Luno. I don't know where we hired him from. He's some Fijian native hired from some Southern Pacific Temp Agency as part of a misunderstood cost-cutting move. Management wasn't too clear on the concept behind "outsourcing." Anyway, Luno speaks fluent English, but you'd never know that because every few hours, he hears some "native call" (which I suspect is a car alarm from the Israeli Embassy), and then "goes a-hiding." He camouflages himself as office furniture, like a file cabinet, water cooler, or for the last few days, he's been a stack of copier paper.

Anyway, I thought he was near the break room, but he moved to near the front door, and gave me quite a start, forcing me to drop my newfound object on the floor. He grabbed it, and ran into the lost and found section, uttering chants that he had collected wild game, and was now going to use this coconut (I assume he meant the knitting machine) to "complete his..." and then I couldn't understand what he said. It sounded like "rowing Renoir," but I don't know.

So, I am not keen on following wherever Luno went to, so I went back to my desk, and worked some more on the weekly reports, when suddenly, I hear this huge BANG! I saw some people run towards the back, so I followed. It turns out, Luno had slipped on the floor, which he had smeared with floor cleaner, and banged his huge head against the fridge in the office kitchen. He was okay, but the fridge had a huge dent.

The machine WAS cursed!

So, I left him there, with the machine, and pretended like nothing happened. My weekly reports got done ahead of schedule.

Why did I tell you this? Well... everyone's doin' it...
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