punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Doctors, RNs, and BP... oh my!

I woke up at 3:30 am this morning in a mild panic. I was convinced Artoo had escaped from the house, wandered somewhere in the neighborhood, died without me, and I couldn't find him. This was probably a tail end of a dream, because he was sleeping next to my head in bed. But the scare was pretty bad. I mean, I have accepted he'll probably pass on in the next few days, and now it's just a waiting game. Part of me wants it just to be over. I mean, I have accepted the inevitability, and have run out of things to say to him. I fear he may be hanging around because he doesn't want to leave me, and that makes me feel even sadder.

I saw the doctor today. Not the one I wanted to see. My doctor works in an office where he's really the only decent guy there. There are two other doctors there, one who is younger and inept, and another who is older and burnt out. They also had a serious staffing problems (with regards to competent office staff), but that seems to have been fixed in recent years. But today I met a RN who apparently only works Fridays. I didn't like her. She seemed squirrley. She saw us because our real doctor couldn't see us for some reason, even though he was in the office. The prognosis is that the bronchitis is still there, but they don't want me to be on more antibiotics because that didn't cure me. I have to agree, they gave me 500mg of Levaquin for 10 days, and that should have been enough. She recommended stuff for my nose and then did a runaround for my wheezing, claiming it was my asthma. But my asthma is not like this, this is brown stuff in my lungs. "Oh, that's because your bronchial tubes are still swollen." Enh. Well, I'll give it a shot, since I can't come up with something better; I can't claim to know more about the human body than an RN, even my own. But her treatments were so confusing, that I asked her to write them down. What she wrote down was different than what she told me, I swear, but... well, I have prescriptions now. Christine forgot to pick them up :( so I'll get them tomorrow. Apart from the raspy, rattling wheezing, I am fine.

No, actually, my BP was like 180/120, a fact that she wouldn't let go. I told her I had a stressful job. She upped my meds, and I told her last time my meds were upped, they made me spacey. She didn't care, better spacey than dead. I don't know, I have seen Alzheimers, but, yes, high blood pressure is a bad thing, especially with my heart condition. I have to go back in 2 weeks to get retested, and I am supposed to check it daily.

I wish I had a healthier fear of death, but I have had a NDE, and it didn't seem so bad. White light, sense of knowing everything, inner peace, touching God, and seeing dead people you missed. Well, don't cry for me, guys, if I die. Really. If I die, I told Christine I want a big wake with music, dancing, an a large Chinese food and sushi buffet. I want it to be a sendoff party. But she's not going for it. You all might have to get takeout. I think the only thing that stops me from looking forward to dying is the fact I would miss Christine, CR, my still-living pets, my friends, and probably the Chinese food and sushi. And my Internet connection. I also would feel real bad when I saw everyone being all weepy and awkward at my funeral. I say awkward because, honestly, when a friend dies, and their family is around... you never know what to say.

But there are a few things I'd like to say if I kick the bucket soon. One is anyone who says to you, "Don't be sad, Punkie would have wanted you to be happy and get on with your life," is 100% right. Don't worry, you'll see me again. In fact, when it's your turn, I'll be right there, and help you out with the transition. Or be the one going, "It's not your turn, silly!" and pushing you back. Second, if you are still all bent out of shape my body is wormfood, use the angst and/or depression to make changes in someone else's life for the better. It will keep you busy, and I would have wanted you to do that. We all die at some point, don't obsess over it.

But since I plan on sticking around for a while (if anything, as an act of defiance to my subliminal suicidal nature), don't worry. I'll be there for you in life, too. :)

Now, I should add, the RN didn't seem to care that Christine's blood pressure was higher. She kept glossing over it. Christine had come to get a referral for a test (like some MRI or CAT scan), and the RN almost blew her off.

Now, I just realized that I have been casually talking about eeedge's dad. It's kind of strange that the father of one of my good high school buddies is now my preferred doctor. I wonder how she feels about that? :)
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