punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Often, I have come across problems in my life which have no solution, but part of me thinks there's a movie audience watching me on some big screen, shouting at me and throwing buttered popcorn at my enormous face, telling me what I need to know. "Don't go in there!" the may scream, or, "It's in the pantry, but fell down behind something else that is shaped like it at the angle you are seeing it, so you think it can't be behind something so small, but it just perfectly fits the silhouette!" "Damn, that white boy's stupid!"

My coffee grinder is missing.

My new coffee grinder, which we got with the new coffee machine, disappeared a few months ago, which ticks me off because not only did I recently get it, but I also started buying my gourmet coffee in bean form so it would stay fresher longer. But, alas, it vanished. I am curious as to how it vanished, and where it could have gone. Part of the problem is that it's an appliance that is hard to conceal in the fact that it's about the size of a large jar of spaghetti sauce, and has a long dangly cord at one end. There's not a lot of places an appliance of that awkward shape and size could be concealed around the kitchen environment. All cabinets have been checked. All possible normal places have been checked. Behind appliances, deep in the back of cabinets, and even the special attic storage where we hide a lot of cake pans have been checked.

It's simply gone.

I know I could always go out an buy a new one, but that's when the old one will show up, I am sure of it. Then I will have TWO coffee grinders, and that's just silly.

I have two theories:
- It has moved to some part of the house I have not checked because I considered it highly unlikely to be there, say, in the sofa cushions, the garden shed, or in the space between a drywall and support stud in the laundry room. I have found things in the guest fridge I would never put there, like mail or a bag of rubber bands has ended up there. Scissors constantly disappear, and we have like 10 pairs the surface from time to time like sightings of the Loch Ness Monster. I consider this 99% likely.
- It was stolen by someone, and is no longer in the house. I... can't imagine why someone would steal a $30 coffee grinder. None of my friends are kleptomaniacs that I am aware of, and the only strangers we have had in the house after I last saw it were the cable guys and the Orkin man. I find it highly unlikely that, if someone wanted to steal something, they stole the coffee grinder instead of much more valuable items, like the bags of cash I have lying around in small cloth sacks marked "$$$".

Small things I understand. Big things I find harder to comprehend. I wish I could hear what the audience was shouting at the screen...
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