punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Work - Adventure!

Work - always an adventure

There was an old game called "Adventure." It was the precursor to all text adventure games. Part of it's "charm" was figuring out the syntax:

You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.


>enter building

That's not something you can enter.


>open door

You can't see any such thing.


>go in

What do you want to go in?


>building

That's not something you can enter.


>in

Inside Building

[...]



Today has been like that.




MONDAY - THE TEXT ADVENTURE GAME


You are sitting in a office chair trying to get a mail program to send a daily logfile. Around you is a confusing proprietary mailing system. In front of you is a monitor.


> send mail from root

Nothing happens.


> send mail from root

Nothing happens.


> send mail from user account

Your inbox has mail.


> send mail from root

Nothing happens.


> enter mail setup

You are in mail setup.

There is a config file here.


> read config file

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> vi mail.conf

You have opened the mail config file. It looks like cartoon swear words. It was lightly commented by the previous admin who quit and left scarce documentation to ensure his job security, which, ironically, is why he was forced to quit.


> see why I can't mail root

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> look for anything that says "root"

Two lines mention root.

There is a line that says, "root_enable_mail_maybe_if_youre_lucky_punk" and is set to "blue"

There is a commented out line written in an ASCII form of Sanskrit.


> translate Sanskrit

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> set root_enable_mail_maybe_if_youre_lucky_punk=yes

You have set root_enable_mail_maybe_if_youre_lucky_punk to "yes"


>:wq

An error has occurred, "You must be 'root' to edit this file."


> su root

You are now root. Enter "rm -rf /*" for help.


> vi mail.conf

An error has occurred, "For security reasons, root is unable to edit this file. Please see online documentation for help."


> go online

You are now online


> Look up documentation.

Also written by drunken otters, it vaguely mentions you have to recompile the program with "--root-edit-enable" as an option.


> find source code

The link leads to "404 not found" and the name of a German ISP.


> look on Google

You find a Russian web site with the source code, and despite the fact it's only 2 mb, it takes 20 minutes to download.


> recompile from source with --root-edit-enable" as an option.

An error has occurred, your box has no gcc.


> scream

What do you want to scream?


> swear words

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> swear

You swear out loud, causing prairie dogging in pods around you. You boss arrives, and asks how you are doing.


> explain problem to boss

"Hmmm... the last guy said that, too..."


> ask for help

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> ask boss to have someone else do this shit

"Hmmm... the last guy said that, too..."


> go to lunch

You put an away message on your GAIM, and go outside.


> go to favorite cheap greasy spoon

Your boss calls, and says there is a deadline to get this working.


> go to cafe in building

You are in an overpriced cafe, run by people of random ethnicity.

There is food here.


> get food

What food?


> get meatball sandwich

They are out of meatballs


> get steak and cheese

They are out of rolls.


> get hot pastrami sandwich

Their oven is broken.


> get Italian sub

They are out of rolls.


> I'll take it on any bread

A lady with a hairnet cocks her head, and asks you something that sounds like speech, but you have never head those syllables in that order before.


> what?

A lady with a hairnet cocks her head, and asks you something that sounds like speech, but you have never head those syllables in that order before.


> get hot pastrami on rye

You pay $5.99 for a lukewarm pre-wrapped, microwaved sandwich, and $2.39 for a large cookie.

Your boss is here.

Your boss asks if you are done yet.


> go back to work

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> exit cafe

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> open door

There is no "door" here.


> how did I get in?

I do not understand that question


> find door

There is a handle in the large collection of panes of glass


> open door

The handle turns out to be a vertical sticker that shows what credit cards they take. You crush your wrist and drop your cookie.

Your boss is here.

Your boss asks if you are done yet.


> exit door

You are now outside. A homeless man asks for your cookie.


> go back to work

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.


> enter work

You enter your workplace.

Your lukewarm sandwich is now cold.

Your boss is here.

Your boss asks if you are done yet.


> go to desk

Oh no! You are sucked into a meeting! You lose ten minutes!


> fight meeting

You try and excuse yourself, but then your boss asks for a status update. You lose ten minutes!


> fight meeting

One of your coworkers interrupts with a pointless side note. You lose ten minutes!


> fight meeting

There is a Powerpoint Presentation. You lose twenty minutes!


> fight meeting

The Meeting takes a turn for the worse by explaining a new way of doing something where the old way was just fine. You lose ten minutes!


> fight meeting

Another coworker is trying to validate his job my muscling into your project and making it very complicated. You lose ten minutes!


> flee meeting

You have fled the meeting!

You are at your desk.

There is a monitor here.

There is a config file written by drunken otters here.


> install gcc

You must be root to do this!


> su root

You are already root!


> quit

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that.



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