punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Potato-bacon bombs! Bottomless trough of fried dough!

ninjacooter has a friend from way back, Patton Oswalt, who has made it big recently in commercials, TV, and the stand-up circuit. One of our favorite bits from him discusses the over-indulgence in American restaurants that goes something like:

"At Black Angus, we'll start you off with our appetizer platter featuring 5 jumbo, deep fried Gulf Shrimp. Served on a disk of salted butter, with 15 of our potato-bacon bombs and a big bowl of pork cracklins with our cheese and butter dipping sauce."

"I think we'll split that.."

"You'll each get your own! Then we'll take you to our mile long soup and salad bar, featuring bacon and cheese cream soup and our five head of lettuce heman salad, served in a punch bowl with 18 pounds of ranch dressing, pork stuffed deep fried croutans and what the hell a couple of corn dogs."

"Hey man, I'll get like a mixed green salad."

"I'll suck a **** on the Golden Gate bridge before I bring you a mixed green, buddy! Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough!"

"Will I get a steak?"

"Oh you'll get a steak! We'll bring out our 55 ounce Los Mesa Heman Steak Slab, served with a deep fried pumpkin filled with buttered scalops and 53 of our potato-bacon bombs! Then bend over Abigail May, cause here comes the gravy pipe!"
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