punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Hallway Rules still apply!

When I was in high school, I had 5 minutes to scoot around between classes. That can suck when you have to go from point A to point B... and your locker is the furthest away from both, down some obscure hallway you don't have any classes in all year. One year, it was nigh impossible, so I carried ALL my books with me. That sucked, let me assure you. My locker was only used for "long term storage," like those teachers who insisted on 3-4 text books, but we only used one of them at a time, and a few never got used at all. But one of my pet peeves was that some dumb ass slackers just roamed around the halls, chatting it up, and getting in my way.

And the Metro can be like that, too. Some people need to read the rules.

Rule #1: The left lane is for speeders.
It's the same on the highway folks. Slowpokes keep to the right. Especially on escalators. I went over this in a previous rant, but it bears repeating. Guppies and their portfolio briefcases seem especially prone to this.

Rule #2: No lingering in crowds.
Lingering, loitering, and moseying should be avoided during rush hour. I can't tell which way you are going to turn if you toddle around in varying figure-eights like a drunken ice skater. That is why I grunted and seemed to come from nowhere. Try looking forward and around you, not at the ceiling. It's the same damn boring pattern in each station. I have seen one girl literally clog several hundred people in a matter of seconds around an escalator because of this. It doesn't surprise me that these wandering gypsies of the platform also wear iPods in the station, blissfully unaware at the people wondering why no one can seem to walk a straight line to the exits.

Rule #3: Do not stop suddenly.
Sorry I ran into you lady, but we were going at a good clip before you hit the brakes to make a cell phone call. What the fuck? I bet your rear bumper has been replaced more than once in your life. And guess what? It's not just me, but the three people behind me who nearly turned this into a human set of dominos that want to have a word with you.

Rule #4: Do NOT hold hands during rush hour.
Exempt if you have little kids, but those cute couples holding hands and straddling the narrow isles around the Metro station have got to stop. Especially because they are also slow. And now they are blocking TWO lanes of traffic. Tourists sometimes do this without holding hands, usually gaggles of older women wandering about and chatting, but sometimes a family of 3, 4, or more will literally block a whole section off before a guy in a Metro uniform and reflector vest yells, "Move along, move ALONG!" Yes, he is speaking to you. And because you were too dumb to stop playing a mini-game of "Red Rover" during rush hour, he had to drag your slack-jawed teenaged yokel daughter with her flip-flops and giant duffel bag to the side forcefully.
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