punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Tummy ache

My stomach is a mess. Wildly unstable, it won't let me move without violent protest. It started hurting yesterday, and then it didn't let me sleep the night. I am exhausted and I called in sick to work, although I'll be working from home because I am wracked with guilt being sick from work.

As I sit at my laptop, waiting for the morning's backup report, I am going through my recent pile of mail, which is 95% junk. As most of you are aware, some companies get you to open junk mail by sending mail in unmarked envelopes, knowing you'll open them to make sure they are not real mail unmarked for privacy ("Mr. Walrus... Your tests came back negative! You don't have worms!"). Many of them continue the illusion by starting off like official documents, and try and trick you to call some number or enter some website.

Two I got to today were dumb. One of them made themselves look like the US Census was contacting me about my property, and said that due to the number of people living on my property, I would qualify for government financial aid. Huh? Sadly for them, this illusion was broken by them telling me to find out details by going onto www.123loans4free.com or calling 1-877-123LOANS. Nice try, idiots. Then another was labeled "Results from you eye exam," but was, in fact, an ad for "local practitioner with a personal touch," who it was said, "corrected Tiger Woods' vision." To add to the "homey feel" of this "local practitioner with a personal touch," they listed his offices, which was like 10 locations, two of them in shopping malls, from Baltimore to Richmond. Uh huh. Quite a trip that doctor has to take in a day, huh?
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