punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Panic (me, not you)

I just have to enter here that I am totally freaking out, like completely, because I have hit the maximum of panic. So nobody else panics, no one died, or was even hurt, that includes pets, and I am doing fine at work, no one lost their job, and really, if I would just calm down for a second, I would realize (and thank God(s) for logic here) that all the important things are fine. But I am having a technical breakdown of the severest kind, and I am so freaked out that you have no idea how hard it is just to write this entry, even though there is some rational part of me that goes, "you are over-reacting." Because I am. I am shaking, literally, as I write. My brain is awash with electrical sparks, and I am not built for this kind of thing, and I am recording it for posterity. About every 4th word is a spelling error as I type this, and thank goodness for spell checkers.

All the data I have ever written that hasn't been stored outside the home is most likely gone forever. Okay, 95% of the data, which includes all my writing (except NaNoWriMo, because it's here, isn't it?), my finances, all my photos, images, music (which I can reburn, yes), and so on. It's amazing how a series of failures can cascade like a snake, finding every vulnerability, everything you didn't check. Every failed disk, every bad power supply, every log error, every power strip with a bad capacitor that takes out a row of things, and every CD backup that was not verified. Like it was planned, but it's too obscure to really be a plot against me, because 50% of the failures in this chain of events were me "getting around to fixing that." My fault. My, "I don't have money for a new hard drive" or "that power strip will hold" or "I have the CD's smewhere..." fault.

My main Linux box took some serious hit at 4:30 this morning, and I lost a power supply, half my RAM, my video card, part of my motherboard, and one of my hard drives in a RAID5 array, which refuses to rebuild in a manner, I am hoping, is a mixture of my incompetence at RAID and the fact I am panicking and not making any sense. Two other machines that served as backups have failed drives as well, and that was no RAID, so they are gone, baby. CD backup? Last one was a while back, when all my stuff COULD fit on 700mb.

And $250 in parts later, I am no closer to having my data back than before. Okay, at least the machine will boot, and can read everything but /home, which was on md0, which wouldn't build, and had everything in the world in /home since my last hard drive death in 1996. I have powered it all down, and will try again when I am coherent. Maybe I need a new hard drive. Maybe I need the magic mumbo-jumbo that gets the array to see itself again. Maybe I'll wake up on the floor, screaming into the carpet at how could this happen to me.

I have disabled comments because I fear any sympathy will make me face this horror, and denial is all I have to keep from totally wigging out and doing something that will make things worse, like crying and beating my head to the cries of "why me, why me??". E-mail me only if you are real good at recovering from RAID5 arrays, and don't expect a reply in the next 24 hours until I calm the fuck down.
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