Snow day meme!
1. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Until age 8, paleontologist.
Until age 11, vet
Until age 13, architect
Until age 15, dead
Until age 18, astrophysicist
Until age 26, a writer
2. Did you follow through? If not, what happened?
No, except the last one is still up in the air. At age 18, I was ready to go to college. Then my mother committed suicide, my father threw me out, and I had to live with friends and work for a living.
3. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid? If not, is it better or worse?
No, and a LOT better. Most of my childhood and teen life, I just lived day to day, kind of hoping I'd die quietly in my sleep.
4. Paradoxes aside, if you could time-travel back to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your 10-year-old self?
Not sure. Like a lot of people with PTSD from their childhood, I have a lot of flashbacks and I think about this a lot. My sense of survival was pretty keen, and all the mistakes I made turned out good in the end. Some of my survival was dumb luck, and I'd hate to tip the balance. Being a coward in the reign of terror can be a survival tactic: had I fought back, I think I would have been killed. Seriously. As not living and largely forgotten, my ashes tossed away as my father did to my mother. I still believe if my father had gotten mad enough, he would have killed me. He came close several times. Sometimes, I have late-night flashbacks where I fight my father, not caring if I died. I know they are just fantasies, but I wonder how he would have gotten away with killing me if I had bit his face hard before I died, disfiguring him and at least making the police suspicious of my disappearance or "accident."
5. Do you think the child you were, would like the adult you've become?
Maybe. Not sure. I'd get mad at my younger self, giving terrible advice on rebellion and stop worrying about what I did, and that would have gotten the younger me killed. I am so completely a different person in a very different era. Some lessons can only be experienced. But I'd still like me. I'd try and give the younger me some hope things were not so bad. And if I had the chance... kidnap me.
1. What's on your feet?
2. Turn to your right -- what do you see?
Ahfu's dog crate and a shelf with colored vases and tin cat silhouettes.
3. What is the last thing you ate?
Veggie Shumai from Trader Joes.
4. What can you smell right now?
Dry house air, and a little bit of dishwashing soap I used to scrub my hands.
5. Do you wear hats?
Never. My head is too big for most standard sizes, and the ones big enough give me wicked-greasy "hat hair".