punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Shards of memories

I don't know what happened yesterday, I felt like rotting meat from the time I woke up to about 2pm, and then I didn't feel so bad. I felt a little better as the day went on, and by the evening I was a lot better.

I started taking down the Christmas decorations. I bought a lot of those plastic storage containers, and so hopefully I won't have to dig through a ton of unlabeled cardboard boxes to find decorations 11 months from now. One of the things I hate most about taking down the tree is no matter how hard I look or scour the tree for decorations, they hide, and I don't find them until the fall on the floor and break, usually while I am trying to pull lights out. Notably those glass balls, which is okay because they are cheap, but they send invisible glass shards flying everywhere. And they seek to be broken! It's like their job or something. One will fall down, and if it hits carpet, it will roll around, looking for some stairs to fall down or a hard surface to shatter upon. I swear I saw one jump from its hiding place deep in the tree, use a branch as a spring board, rebound from the armchair to shatter against the banister, showering the stairwell with glittering seeds of future foot splinters. Incredible.

I'm still depressed. Last night, I had a dream about my old wardialing job, and how I could have applied what I know now. It wouldn't have saved the group, but I kind of miss the steady work and being the guru for everybody.

And what the fuck is it with everyone dying? Like a lot of my friends, in just the past week, have had friends and/or relatives dying. We're only 10 days into the year and already it's sucking for a lot of people.

Oh crap. While looking at my watch to determine how many days into the year we were, I realized my own mother took her own life on this day in 1987 (between 4-6am, according to the police report).

Miss you, mom.
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