My lack of sleep is starting to fuck me up.
Work has been rote-busy, meaning I have spent most of the time generating e-mails and scripts that generate e-mails that state, "We're moving your site to a new server, here's the new login info, check it out, let us know if there are any problems, you have 5 business days to complain..." Nothing creative, no real problems to solve, just a ton of busy work.
Metro is really sucking at my soul. It's been more and more crowded recently, and more things go wrong, like broken escalators, broken elevators, and broken down cars. In the last month, I have been on 4 trains were we all had to get off and get on the next train behind us because our train broke down. It's bad enough when a rush-hour packed car has to empty, but then the car behind us is even more packed because it was delayed because we broke down, and now WE have to cram on it. I had to let several cars pass before I could cram in on one. And most of us have to stand. All this makes people angry. So there I am, a semi-empath, stuck in a crowded enclosed metal box packed with angry people. The parking lot pickup areas are almost as bad. People stopping at odd angles, screwing up the flow, and the worst are people who think they can park, put on their hazard lights, and leave their car there. Notably vans for car dealerships. Metro is more stressful than my job, but still not as much as my previous job. I wish I could just deal.
I get home around 7:00pm, and it takes a while to unwind. I am often up past midnight, like I am now, unable to sleep because I am so stressed, everything wakes me up. It's getting to the point if I am sleepy, no matter where I am, I nap. But I don't have many moments I can do this, and physically, it's really starting to damage other parts. I am having the shakes occasionally, my muscles ache like I have a fever but I am not sick, I have periods of severe moodiness, and you know this doesn't help my depression. I get 4-5 hours of sleep on weeknights, more on weekends. This is killing me. I wish I could hit a switch to sleep restfully, but even when I sleep, I am stressed. I wake up sore because some part of me got tense. I feel like I am gasping to make it from weekend to weekend, and it's not that I hate work... the hours! The Metro!