punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Man, I am jonesin' for some cookies right now...

It's been almost 6 weeks with no refined sugar, and recently, it's been harder than it has been the first week. It's almost like some part of me started to go, "Okay... is this foolishness over yet? Because now it's serious, we need to get back to eating cookies a lot." I keep thinking how my dad was like that. Four years with glasses, thought I was still faking it. Probably still is. But no, I say to those voices, we had our time, and now it's time to stop. It's not like we went without for so long or anything. We have been eating that way for a long time, and we have had some good memories, but now we have to do something different, and then the voices go, "Uh... you suck."

I am also tired. I got paged last night, and I am on call for the next two weeks. Depression is getting harder to fight because I don't have the usual "comfort" foods. But I can't allow myself to slip, because then it's one cookie that becomes two that becomes four that becomes an entire box. Paula Poundstone has a bit about Pop Tarts you should listen to sometime, and it applies to me and refined sugar all to well.

But oddly enough, I can't force myself to eat sweets. I have had many opportunities to do so, with full support from loved ones, and I just can't. I think part of it is the fear I'll go back to eating half a box of Oreos in one sitting. So I am sitting in this fence of conflicting emotions, and can't settle on one side or the other.
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