punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Punkie, you are a rotten photographer

I think I have said this before. Here's my list of grievances I address to myself.

Punkie, you always always forget to take pictures. Christ, you could be out with your camera, and there could be a spaceship that lands and a bunch of aliens come out, wiggle around, and take samples, and you'd just stare stupidly and go, "Duuuh, wow..." Why do you forget to take photos? Even when you remember your camera, which is part of the problem, you just let it sit in your backpack... often for days. You completely forget you even have the damn thing on you!

Now, I know your mother was an artist and one of her mediums was film. She won that award from Kodak, remember? Now you may also recall since you were NOT allowed to watch TV as a kid, you just read anything you could find out of sheer boredom, and several of them happened to be some damn fine books on the art of photography. Many of them "how to" books. On top of that, remember that "peer" the school assigned you, David Dedrick? Yeah, real nice guy. Had his own photo lab in his bathroom. He showed you over and over again the hows and whys of photography from shots to development. You had TWO mentors. So there is NO excuse for your completely BORING photos. Look at them, man. You take pictures with the eye of a literalist: scenery and people. Ho-fucking-hum. Oh look, you managed to center Sawa in the frame as she sits in a lounge ch... Zzzzz... people at the DMV take more interesting photos than you do! Take some examples from some of your shutterbug friends, and try and apply them.

Yes, your digital camera is slow. In fact, nearly half your action shots lost are due to the subject moving within 3 seconds, the time it takes for your current camera to take a picture from button push to actual snapshot. Maybe you should get a new one.

At the party this weekend? You took like 4 pictures. Of the decorations. Your wife took tons of photos of drunk people, and you just sat downstairs and spoke with yet another shutterbug friend of yours, cyaneyed, while your camera sat downstairs in your den with fresh batteries doing little else than taking up space on your den table.

Shame on you.
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