"[dzzzt dzt tck tck tck... You're pregnant and have a blood alcohol level of .05... ]"
While some features of the Swash 800 made our sit-down experience more of a luxury, we were unconvinced by its bidet-like cleaning and drying process. In particular, the air dryer was ineffective, just like those annoying air dryers for hands in public bathrooms. That meant you either had to remain seated a long time or resort to toilet paper, the low-tech commodity the Swash is supposed to surpass.
If I saw this at a friend's house while I needed to go really bad, I would:
Go for the full experience
Just use the regular potty mode
Hold it in
Use the bathroom on my mothership.
I don't know about you guys, but these things creep me the hell out.