punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Quotes - Assorted thoughts over the years

Well, I am cleaning out my "sent" box from my e-mail client, and I had to share some more quotes I have collected over the years:

George's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale.  Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

"In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal." - Unknown

"It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some,with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists." - Knut Schmidt-Nielson

"Experience is the worst teacher: it gives the test before presenting the lesson."- Vernon Law

Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." - Unknown

Ad found among the miscellaneous listing in the Stanwood/Camano, Wash., News: "Caution, homeowners between Warm Beach and Stanwood -- Daughter will be learning how to drive. Use caution after leaving garage or porch. Farmers advised to place hay bales around barns, farm equipment and slow-moving livestock. She will be driving white sedan with frightened father aboard."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night in my bed and I watch the stars, and I wonder, where the heck is my ceiling?" - Tiffany-Joanne

"I want my last words to be put on my tombstone. Unless my last words are something like "Wheee!", 'cause that would just be stupid." - Matthew W. Schmeer

"When our street had a power cut, Sally laughed and said it was like living in the Dark Ages. I didn't really find it funny, until a horde of knights from the Spanish Inquisition burst into our house, stole my collection of gold coins and forced me to become a Catholic. Then I just had to laugh and laugh, because it really was like the Dark Ages." - Paul Hancox
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