punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Weird childhood haunting memory exposed

Once in a while, I get some weird background memory, and I don't know where it comes from. There was this one piece of music I used to hear once every few years, and it was always so sad. I never could figure out what the tune was, I always assumed it was Spanish. It was a series of violins with one one guitar, and when I heard the song for too long, I thought of some lonely abandoned flower growing in some greasy gutter in an uncaring city.

Such an odd random image to be attached to a song. I never grew up in the city; why would I have such a strong image implanted like that? And further more, I knew this flower grew in New York City. Why? I have images of a damp, gray rooftop and the George Washington Bridge. God, that image irritated me, because it was like I had seen it somewhere, like in a film or something. It was always a mystery.

A few days ago, in Starbucks, the song was playing. I had to know the name of the song, and so we sent one of the baristas to go see what the shop stereo was playing. "It's Concerto D something," she said when she came back. By someone named Henrick? Hinick? Something like that." Great. "Concerto D" something. So last week, I browsed the web for concertos with violins and guitar with the letter "D" in front of it. At first, I tired "Concerto D'###" or "Concierto D'####" but it was "Concerto D" that led me to one of my favorite composers, "Vivaldi," whom I grew to love as a child, especially his most famous piece, "The Four Seasons." Someone had a midi file, and the midi sounded a little like it, but not quite. Turned out he had Concerto A for the Guitar, and later I found a copy of Guitar Concerto in D Major Largo floating around the Internet.

That was it. Oh my God. And I focused on the song so hard, playing it over and over until the mood created was like pressing into a deep scar, trying to conjure up more of the image. It was like playing a psychic doing distance viewing, I was trying so hard to write down every single image in a text editor as I played the song.

Flower. Tear. Stem. Song. Camera panning. Garbage. Gutter. Wall. George Washington Bridge. Clouds. Fog. Buildings. City. Pollution. Choking. Beauty on a dung heap.

Then, while I decided to clean out my den a bit, I fell on my back because that damn boot is hard to control, and ended up stuck on my back for about an hour like a damn turtle. I had fallen in such a way I could not roll over or get upright because I was wedged between a book case, a safe, and some boxes of books. And my leg was too sore from supporting the boot to get a good push to get up, and the leg I could have used to inch myself forward was locked in a stiff boot. It seems weird, but you had to be there. So I lay there for the better part of an hour, pondering between knocking over a bookshelf for my freedom would be worth it, considering what kind of crash and mess it would make, and whether it would make my situation worse. I called for help, and no one came. Oh well. I figured eventually I would get the strength to sit up and move in such a way I could free myself, and since I wasn't in any pain, I just lay there and relaxed, hoping a solution to free myself from this comedic position would occur.

As I lay there, listening the song over and over again, I recalled a situation where I had watched some vintage Sesame Street clips, and how they brought up songs I have had in my head all my life, but never really thought about. This one, especially. That's more trippy than the Pinball Song, but I digress.

So when I finally was relaxed enough to free myself, I went back on the net, and typed "Sesame" and "Flower" in You Tube, and there it was. Holy God, just like I had remembered it, except it was on a rooftop, not a gutter.

I fucking love the Internet.

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