I am so crispy.
So what was I doing until 4:30am? Playing some online game? Playing a non-online game? Browsing Youtube for squirrel videos? Alas, no. I was doing finances. And they suck. They really, really suck. I started around 8, did them until about 10, then started up again around midnight and worked through 4:30 before I finally found all my mistakes (I lost $160 for a while there), paid all the bills I was behind on, and balanced across three bank statements to see how much money we had left, and it was much less than I feel comfortable admitting.
The interest I pay on my credit cards alone would buy me cyaneyed's amazing $$$ camera in 2 months. Or a new mattress, which we desperately need, in 3 months. I never meant this to get out of hand. I didn't buy anything stupid or frivolous, and always tried to pay all balances in full. I wouldn't even buy a new monitor, even though the old one flickered something awful, until I got a bonus at work. I am gathering stuff to sell on eBay, but that takes time (I have been doing this for almost a year), and often I go home, defeated, tired, and depressed because I am crazy and have depression issues and I don't want to talk to anybody.
Man, I just want to cry. I totally suck.