punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Kirk Cameron Pisses me off

Before I begin this post behind an LJ cut, I just want to point out that this entry in no way makes a judgement on Christianity or Christians, but on the whole flawed logical approach some very, very, very stupid and gullible people make in the name of religion. I am not talking, "Did God make the universe?" I am asking, "Did anyone tell this moron the life cycle or biology of a banana in modern times before he spouted out this pure gibberish that sounds like a grade school level pathological liar?"

First, the video.

That former star of "Growing Pains" is famous for his Christian teachings, a few of which I have endured, and realized either he's a complete idiot or his writers are. Really. Sometimes he's paired with someone else who is also a complete moron.

Believing in God, having faith, or whatever is not stupid. It's a choice. But we live in modern, rational times, and while faith and proof are considered opposites, I don't see it as so opposite that one excludes the other.

Let's take a look at this example. His partner, who hasn't a rational scientific thought in his body and may actually be proud of this, assumes that bananas are designed by God because they are perfect for humans. He uses examples about the shape and how easy they are to peel, for instance. Of course, this man has probably never seen a banana in its natural environment. He probably doesn't know there's more than one type of banana and that the sweet yellow thing he's peeling is a result of human intervention from basic banana plants thousands of years ago (I could go back further, but let's just assume banana history started in 3000bc, so we fit the cases of both Creationist and secular thoughts). My banana facts come from Wikipedia.

Let's start with location. Bananas are high up in trees. That's not convenient for humans at all. That's FAR more convenient for monkeys, fruit flies, and spiders. Not to mention several varieties of fungi. Maybe God likes them better. Originally, bananas had hard seeds, and they were bitter and starchy: you had to cook them just to make them edible for human consumption (like you would a potato; bananas called "plantains" in US markets are still like this). Centuries of cross breeding and human selection have made the yellow banana he is demonstrating (called a "Cavendish") into a sweet, seedless variety, which is cultivated by man using tissue cultures and asexual offshoots of a base plant. The rest grow through lateral rhizomes.

Another thing thing he mentions, which stuns the hell out of me, is how "God placed a tab" so when you pull the tab, "the contents don't squirt in your face." All bukake jokes aside, I cannot conceive of any banana product "squirting" anything unless squished by a steamroller. God also did not invent the steamroller, I should point out.

The real "Atheist nightmare" here is really people like him who have no common sense, who live in some medieval fantasy world where rocks bleed tar, meat grows maggots, and fantasy demons and angels frolic among the populace in an uncontrolled frenzy. And like those foolish and ignorant townsfolk of yore, he has probably never traveled past his own home town, or if he did, it was with a tour group and he never had to ponder a damn thing. He's never seen natives in jungles, visited a mosque or synagogue and debated the nature of human existence without a simple smile of as his wall of ignorance.

I have seen this video before, a year ago, and I didn't feel the need to rant until I watched another Kirk thing the other night. It was abysmal. There was a clip about comparing eternal sin to unknown speeding tickets. The lecture started with someone saying "You got a speeding ticket for $25,000 (yes, he said twenty five thousand) dollars, but someone paid it for you." He said, "No one would believe you if you told them that." But then went on about some fanciful story that on the way to work, there were 10 signs warning you there was a blind children's convention and to drive very slowly through that freeway. But you didn't; you sped right through them. A cop was about to chase you down, when a stranger paid the $25,000 fine. ZOMG! How nice!

He then says that Jesus paid for your eternal sins so you could go to Heaven. But you can't just say that to people, and he's probably right. He goes on to explain that sinners who did not accept Christ as their Lord and Savior will think, "I am not a sinner. I know a lot of people worse than me!" Then he goes on some tangent about how if you explain God's word, and show the man HOW he has sinned, just like you explained the 10 signs he didn't see, just like the blind children's convention. He will see the light, and accept Jesus as paying the speeding tickets for you-- er, absolving your sins (which then segue to the 10 Commandments).

Now, my mind tried to think of why anyone would have blind children's convention on a freeway. I also wondered what cop would let someone else stop them and pay for a speeding ticket of someone else. Especially for $25,000. Maybe that's a Hollywood thing where your agent, lawyer, counselor, bodyguard, or wingman takes care of any damage you cause and you're as oblivious as a heroin addict rock star who just pissed in the potted plant in the lobby. Kirk would probably be of the mindset someone takes care of these things; he's a former child star. So Jesus takes care of these sins whether you like them or not. He's got your back. But he doesn't explain why being aware of this is any different than being oblivious, except you have to thank God for his Son and so on.

But I don't think this will happen anyway. First of all, in both cases, you have no proof that any of these incredulous incidents actually happened. You just have to take some schmuck's word for it. Under his logic, I could claim anything and it would be just as valid. "You did something bad of which I have no proof, but you can fix it by doing what I say." It smells of a racketeering scam.

Then I watched Christopher Hitchens on the Daily Show, who has written, "God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything." I am not an atheist, partly because my dad was, and he was a big jerk. But also because I asked God to prove himself to me on my own terms, and he did, so that was the end of that (YMMV). I don't hate any one religion, but I cannot stand hypocrisy, snobbery, and stubborn ignorance. I cannot have a decent conversation with someone who does not make any rational sense, who do not follow the rules of conventional logic and reason. This is also why I want religion as far away from politics as possible.

What's ironic is that these people are killing Christianity. They are making Christians look like idiots and demoralizing the ranks who have to apologize for yet another kook with a TV show spouting their holier-than-thou rhetoric.
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded