punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Buzzwords

I got this inquiry to my Dice.com account. I get them a lot, but this one was really funny to me for some reason. Maybe I snapped.

Wipro Technologies is a global services provider delivering technology-driven business solutions that meet the strategic objectives of our clients. Wipro has 38 'Centers of Excellence' that create solutions around specific needs of industries. Wipro delivers unmatched business value to customers through a combination of process excellence, quality frameworks and service delivery innovation.

Is that a generic and vague mission statement or what? Back when worked for Cargo Furniture, we paid some clown $70,000 (in 1994 money) to write us a mission statement that sounded almost exactly the same. If I saw that on a resume, I'd roll my eyes and go, "Puh-LEESE." Anything that vague trying to sound that impressive must be hiding some strong insecurities. Here's how I read this:

Wipro Technologies does stuff using technology and sells it to companies that want to buy it anywhere on Earth. Wipro has 38 names of places that does something for companies grouped by what they do. Wipro thinks what it has to offer is very nice compared to other stuff because we mix together what we do internally real good, put it in a pretty frame, and send you new things that you have probably already seen before, but they are still new to others as well.

I don't know what this "stuff" is. So I went to look it up. http://www.wipro.com first shows, on their logo, "Applying Thought!" Well, how awesome is that? This company is self-aware! Below that, they describe "Applied Innovation" with the enclosed parts of the letters filled with colors. A softly-animated flash slide show is above it. But what is this "Applied Innovation" (We do new things)?

At Wipro we have fine-tuned the science of viewing innovation though the lens of practicality to design unique solutions for end customers. Applied Innovation is the ability to infuse newer ideas and newer ways of doing things into all parts of the organization, and improve business outcomes, often without major disruptive change. It is a 360-degree business approach covering process, delivery, business and technology Innovations that help Wipro to work collaboratively with clients for cost take-outs, speed to market and new business opportunities. This approach is backed by a 25-year heritage in providing domain-intensive technology solutions and a solid delivery backbone with industry leading credentials and certifications such as CMMi Level 5 and BS15000.

Ho-lee-shee-it! Look at all those high-falootin' words! They fine-tuned the actual science, not the practice, but the science of observing new ways of doing things. And how did they do this professor? "Though the lens of practicality." I wonder if Len Crafters can get you than in about an hour? Back when I was in remedial reading for my dyslexia in elementary school, Mrs. Reed, our teacher, used to explain you could break down sentence meaning by defining the core of the whole sentence. You'd remove participles, adjectives, and prepositional phrases. Like "As a child, I used to sail model boats down my the pond in Central Park," is really broken down to "I sailed" or "I sailed boats." I wanna do this with that huge sentence above.

We have. Innovation infuses and improves. It is. Approach is backed.

Note, these kinds of buzzword speaking terms never actually says or promises anything. Like my company is an Internet Service Provider for Businesses. We sell T1s, offer data centers, sell Voice over IP, host servers, host websites, and so on. It's right on our front page what we do and what we offer. But this site, which I believe is a series of outsourcing call centers, requires that you really dig around to find that out.
Tags: buzzords, tech, work
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