In other news, the ghost I hid in our data center has a ticket open on him in our trouble ticket database. I am also happy that people just took the concept and ran with it. Here's the ticket summary so far:
The NOC: Opened the ticket with the subject, There's a damn ghost in the hosting cage. "There's a ghost floating around the hosting cage, scaring the crap out of the techs. At first glance it appears to be a friendly ghost like Casper but it's actually a menace. [NOC Boss] said escalate to hosting. I think we are going to have to escalate to the ghostbusters."
Hosting: I don't want to deal with this. I think this is a customer service issue.
Customer Service: [CS Boss] says this is not a customer service issue. Not our cage. Not affecting customers. Not our problem. Flipping back to Hosting.
Hosting: I tried shooing it out with a broom, but it got all pissed off and started messing with the routers. So now it's a network problem! Flipping to network.
Network: Unless it's a ghost IN the routers, it's most certainly not a network problem. Besides, if it was, since they're pretty much ethereal, the packets going through would just pass through it anyways. Personally, I'd say that in this case, since the ghost has decided to colocate with us, it's probably going to either be a billing, or perhaps sales issue. I'll leave it to the creator of the ticket to decide.
Hosting: Later for [another hosting guy who hates it when tickets get "Later for him"]. I'm not touching it... might mess with my hair or something. I suspect it's a ghost of the old FreeBSD servers; ghosts of bad admins past. I hope I'm wrong.
Hosting: [the other tech] Flipping to the DC queue. [Data center guy], when you get a moment, would you please move the aforementioned ghost from the Hosting cage down to rack 1109? After that, you may want to flip to Billing to make sure [our customer database] is updated properly.
Data Center: As the ghost is not a piece of colocated hardware in the datac enter, rather an entity that is haunting it, I believe it should be treated as an unidentified individual on our premises. Before I contact our ghostbusting vendor for a quote, since their services can be quite costly, I'm flipping this to tech support so that they can confirm if the ghost is on any of our customer FACLs [our Facility Access List, meaning the ghost did not sign in through the proper channels]. It'd be quite embarassing to have someone exorcised from our datacenter when in fact they are there to do work for a customer. Also please check if the ghost has been checked in and badged for the day. If the ghost is indeed on a FACL, please note in the ticket for which customer the ghost is doing work, so that we know who to contact to review our policies about secure areas in the datacenter.
The NOC: I can confirm that there was NO Ghost checked in to the DC, and that there is no Ghost or Mr. Ghost on anybody's FACL. You may want to check the security tapes to see who let the ghost in, though I suspect that he may have snuck past us.
Networking: If it is a ghost in the machine, it may have been born from some kind of software error or perhaps has gained artificial intelligence. I suspect we should ask the SEs, as they may know of a way to stop it. Perhaps we can upload a virus into the mainframe of the Gibson?
Software Engineering: We can definitely write a script to do away with the ghost, however, we may need the Customer Service department to talk with Sales on writing up a contract in which we are not liable for any excess ectoplasm that may occur after uploading the virus.
Customer Service: "Hold the phone", while walking in the DC, I caught a glimpse of said ghost and low and behold I think its [a former scary NOC person we fired]!!!. Don't shoot. I am flipping this TT back to the NOC because he was tight with [a tech still working there who hated the tech we fired].
The NOC: WoW!!! The return of [fired employee]! He always said he wanted to join [senior SE programmer] in Software Engineering. Maybe [SE guy] has a task for [fired emplyee] now that he is back. Maybe he can fix our NOC kiosk [our sign in terminal for guests, notorious for constantly crashing because it's on ancient spare Windows CE hardware] or maybe he is causing the problem, the world may never know. There is too much paranormal activity going on today! I am sending this ticket back to SE.
Software Engineering: As of yet there are no tasks in are queue that requires a ghost for the programming. I am more then willing to set up a task the can be sent to tech support every few hours so the techs can scare off the ghost and make sure it is not causing customer problems. This will have to do until I get a chance to write a program to get rid of the ghost or AI or what ever it is.
Networking: As I don't want ectoplasm on my hands, I'm giving this to someone else. That stuff is nasty, like the drippings of a cow with a cold. Bluh. You take it.
Hosting: Sigh... I'll bring my kit from home. I don't know what I can do, I can't burn candles because of the fire suppression system, and I can't fling holy water about because of the servers. I'll think of something...
Hosting: [later on] Ghost got mad, turned off lights in hallways. [Head of CS, who is also our building maintenance contact] going to send out report. [This really happened, we lost all our hallway lights due to an electrical problem in the building].
[... to be continued...]