Hosting: I tried to reason with the ghost, but it cannot leave because apparently, there's some loophole in the [visitor control system] that if someone doesn't have a FACL to be let in, they technically don't exist, so they can't get back out because "there is no badge sticker" [this is an in-joke: we had an issue where a new NOC person refused to let someone out because they somehow lost their vistor's sticker] to give back to [the NOC] or some such nonsense. This may explain the skeletons of starving people I find in the data center from time to time (many with old UUNet/Genuity badges) [also an in-joke, we used to have UUNet /Genuity folks come to our data center that were so incompetent, we accused them of getting lost even though our data center at the time was only a 2500 sq ft rectangle]. I suspect the ghost may be one of those victims. How long will we have to deal with this ghost now?
Networking: I was minding my own business and innocently making some pottery in the hosting cage when suddenly the ghost started hugging and caressing me from behind. It totally ruined the vase I was making and I spent half the night cleaning up the mess. I am moving this to the Abuse queue, since I feel abused and dirty. Please contact a medium so we can talk to the ghost and see what it wants...besides me.
Abuse: [this queue handles customers who abuse our policies] We used to have a midget spiritual adviser, like that lady in the film, "Poltergeist," but apparently she's run off with all the toilets at the Montgomery County station and the police can't find her. Small medium at large. Police have nothing to go on. We need to write a new contract. Anyone on good terms with the folks from T.A.P.S.?
And sigh... the joke comes to an unfunny end