punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

I think my pantry is a portal from the Jello dimension

Before Halloween, some non-profit group was doing a canned food drive. I was not aware of this, but takayla was. They showed up at our door Halloween night, and the youths that came collecting seemed genuinely bummed we had no food for them. takayla asked if we could scrounge the pantry for any non-perishable items.

See, when we were poor... very poor... we got free food from a variety of groups: Koinonia, FanTek, and the Mormon Church were the big ones for a while along with various personal friends. One of the things you learn from free food, and FanTek stated this when they wanted donations, was that poor people often get shitty free food. Usually canned goods way past expiration, dented cans, generic brands with poor quality control, and so on. FanTek told people not to give them food you wouldn't eat yourself, and it was pretty successful during its run (they only stopped when they couldn't find anyone to give the food to).

So I rushed back in the house, and stuffed two bags worth of canned goods. I also tried to keep a variety of items because when you're poor, you get awful tired of beans, corn, and peas.

In a moment of inspiration, I gave them all the Jello gelatin and pudding mixes we had. Because, you see, we had a lot of them and it became a household curiosity where they had come from. We don't eat Jello. I mean, sometimes we got Jello for some special dessert, but somehow over the years, Jello just kept showing up. Usually cherry flavor, followed closely by orange and lemon, with a smattering of chocolate, vanilla, tapioca, and a few generic brands under the name, "My-t-fine" foods. The last count I had was 35 boxes of pudding and gelatin mixes. So I cleaned out the "Jello shelf."

The kids were very happy I showed up with two bags. Apparently, all they had gotten so far were a few single cans here and there, and I showed up with two stuffed grocery bags. "Thank you!" they said cheerfully.

And I was rid of Jello! Right?

A few nights ago, I found 3 more boxes. Where did they come from? I couldn't have missed them because there there were, in the huge blank area where all the other boxes used to be. That area was completely emptied when I cleaned it out. I did the shopping since then, and I know I did NOT get Jello!

My fear is this: my pantry is part of a dimension storage portal, and someone is missing their Jello. In a few years, some alien will show up, looking like Lurky from the Rainbow Brite cartoons, and ask what happened to their Jello. In their hands will be a pile of Sharpies, scissors, forks, and other stuff that ends up missing from my house. And I won't get them back because I gave away their Jello!
Tags: halloween, jello, portal
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