punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Fear

Those that never read my personal blog much may find this blog to get a bit darker. Don't worry, nothing has really changed in my life recently, it just might take getting used to compared to how vanilla this blog used to be.

I am not one who talks about the weather much, but lately, it's been unseasonably warm. It's been in the 60s for the last few days, and the highs will stay in the 50s and 60s all week. This is a positive boon to my gas bill, but then there's the teen environmentalist part of me that screams "GLOBAL WARMING!!" because I felt this was just one more reason the world was going to hell when I was 15.

In fact, when I was a kid, I feared the end of the world in roughly this order:

  1. Nuclear War - and the nuclear winter that would surely follow, and would probably be triggered all over some misunderstanding. I called this my "generalized fear and hopelessness."
  2. Death from people around me - like by bullies or my own dad. I called this my "localized fear and hopelessness."
  3. Global Warming - mass starvation, flooding coastal cities
  4. Killer Bees - I used to have this MASSIVE insect phobia, and bees just made it somehow worse, like if someone said baseball gloved-sized face-sucking hairy-legged flying spiders were jumping around and attacking the fine people of South America.
  5. Meteor strike - Because it killed the dinosaurs. I am still upset about the whole trilobite loss.
  6. Dogs - I was attacked by three of them in less than 5 years.
  7. Evil things from some other dimension coming from my walls - I used to have this dream where some two-headed antelope-like shadow demon would come with a thundering gallop to destroy me from behind my walls.
  8. Cats and Dogs living together - mass hysteria


... just kidding on that last one...

I was far too serious for my own good. While friends frolicked and played in the innocent lanes of oncoming traffic, I was that strange, quiet kid whom the adults either liked or were a little unnerved by. I burned out, though. While my head was obsessed with environmental doom while my friends were celebrating their sweet 16, I just can't care anymore. I guess the sheer scale of how hopeless it was to change anything on that level was too much, and my brain just shorted out like a 25 cent fuse.

Did I sell out?

What were your fears as a kid? Did you ever get over them? Can you assure me, now that I have scared myself, that there are no baseball gloved-sized face-sucking hairy-legged flying spiders are jumping around and attacking the fine people of South America?
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