punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

I need some guidance

So, say someone you like, like a close friend or somebody you have known a long time and think is kind of nifty, says this to you:

"I don't know why people like me."

Have you ever said that? I have. I say it a lot in my head, actually. I am often far more negative when I ask that, to be honest, it comes out more like, "I have no idea why anyone would like me." That's stupid, I don't know why I am so down on myself and feel the need to jab at me like some annoying little sister I am competing with for attention.

I have heard many people make this statement, especially in fandom. And someone asked it to me this weekend; someone I didn't expect. My answer was a stock, "Well, because you're so cool!" which was met with a soft glare and the subject was dropped. I felt I needed to explain WHY I thought they were cool, but I just kept going back to the same circular logic: "Well, you just ARE, that's why." Petito principi, as they say in debate lingo (thank you, Neal, for giving me that phrase so long ago in our youth).

So let me ask my readers:

- Have you ever asked this question or made this statement to yourself or even aloud about why anyone would like you?
- What answer would you think would be the best and most satisfying answer that might actually stop you from asking the question again? Forever.

I guess I want to ask, "why do we say this?" When we ask, "Why is the sky blue?" and we're told it's scattered light rays that absorb all colors but blue, we sort of never ask again. But, "Why do people like me?" seems to be asked over and over again by my friends and myself.

What do we want? Is it just a cry for approval? In my case, it's often a kind of "I am lost and need some focus on who I am," and not really approval per se, anymore that "Polo" is to the cry, "Marco!" Maybe it's a reassurance. I dunno.

I have often found direct answers rarely do anything but make the other person shut up for a while like I am not getting the point. It's like they don't want a logical answer like, "I think you're smart, and fun to hang around. You're pretty, attractive, and buy me things. You complete me." Or whatever.
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