punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Yo yo Punkie, wazzap?

Okay, this is embarrassing.

My friend we'll call "Gail" has a son who is 16. He just started driving. We'll call him "Todd." Todd is a youth living in Reston, but he wants to be all bad-ass gangsta. I had a talk with him about the argument between his mom and him about spending $3000 on chrome rims for his car (and a gun to protect them). Todd's friend "Peewee," has had two sets of rims on his car, and both got stolen within a week. Yes, Todd is being dumb, but that's not the point. The point is that I started to talk like them, and I don't know how this happened.

I have this... "quirk," that when I hang around someone with an accent for a while, I pick it up. It can take as little as ten minutes with British and Southern accents, longer for others. But before, it was just accents. The only time I ever started picking up lingo was with Aussie techs a few years ago, when they'd go, "Right, see here, mate. Joey's gone on walkabout, and beep or no, he's in the boosh." (Okay, look, my assistant has wandered off, I can't page him, and he might as well be out in the wilderness.)

So imagine my surprise, when I started talking street lingo to two teens like some Yo MTV Rap Veejay:

Let me get this straight, home. You want to spend a bunch of benjamins for some dope chrome rims and a firecracker to look all OG, yet Peewee is lining some street fool's pockets with his insecurities? Yo, that is wack. What do you want to look all OG for, anyway? OG is for some fool junior high dropout who will shoot you for your car because he's got a small peeni, his girlfriend smoked all the good crack, and left P. Diddy junior back in the crib. He'll pump you full of lead like a carnival toy before you can even find the safety of your $600 pistol dick, fool! Shee-it, you ain't got no brains homey. You don't want to be OG, you want to me ODB for the honeys, and they will treat you like cash until the money runs out, and then you'll be like the shell of a car in Anacostia. Stop spending the greens for your pimp threads and get a decent education.

Damn, where did that come from? I *never* talk like that, and even if I did channel The Notorious B.I.G. for a second, I saw myself sounding like Vanilla Ice.

That is wack, yo.

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000008.html
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