punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

On pet deaths

Ahfu is still under watch as I write this, but I could help thinking about his face, twisted in resigned pain, as I kissed him goodbye this morning. His legs were trembling and he gasped when he moved. I hoped they'd either fix what's wrong with him, or let him go.

It reminds me of three years ago. We found Artoo sick right after Katsucon on Feb. 21st, and he was put to sleep on the 28th. Massive kidney failure, could have happened to any older cat.

You know I still have his box of ashes on the nightstand next to my bed? He acts as a pedestal for the clock radio. I put him there because I miss him terribly and also because he used to love to sit under the bedlamp to warm himself. I remember when I took that box home about a week after he was put to sleep. ALL the other cats knew it was his ashes. The same with Oreo, who sits next to our TV. Or on a dresser. I'd better check on his location...

But I still miss Artoo. I guess after 3 years, am pretty pathetic to still hang on to the ashes of a stupid old cat. But he stood by me for 13 years, I can't just dump him, even if he did barf a lot. My former boss would mock my sentimentality, I am sure, but I purged him from my life like carefully cleaning up a crime scene. I only mention that boss because at the same time this all happened, I busted my foot and work was HELL because of him. Like a triple whammy. It was actually the "so your cat died, you want a medal?" mentality that really pushed me to leave that job. Man, that was insanity. I have shut it all out so much, that when I read the entries three years later, it was almost like it had happened to another person. But the whole time, I mourned Artoo more than my stupid foot or a job gone all wrong. My foot healed fine, I got a much better job... but I still have no Artoo.

I haven't given up on Ahfu, because the news was better than we expected. We're allowed to take him home tomorrow night because they think his neck got injured. Possibly a disk, because that's the only thing that he even acts like hurts when they examine him. At least it's not a blood clot or his organs are all twisted up. I don't know how we are going to keep him from jumping on the couch or using stairs for the next few weeks.
Tags: ahfu, artoo, death, vet
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