punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

Stupid FOX5 news

When I was young, I'd get my news from Channel 5 at 10, which was bought out by Fox I don't know how long again. Since then, FOX5 (as it has been called since the change) News has really gone to hell. I mean, they got a guy named Will Thomas who looks like a cast member of the Daily Show delivering shallow-faced news with the seriousness of a scared college student. I can't take this guy seriously, and sometimes he delivers segues with his plastic emotional range that might be easier to emulate with software than a real human.

Last night, he delivered one of the most horrible lines about a human struggle I had ever heard. It seems that the Coney Island Parade this year is really worried developers are going to knock down this American legacy. The "Parade Queen," Savitri D, is on a hunger strike in protest, you see. Now, admittedly, I have a kind of reserved doubt for this strong response, often used by people like Gandhi and Irish republicans, to protest commercial development, but hey, it's important enough for her, so I'll respect her strong feelings. And I don't want Coney Island to go away, either, come to think of it. I haven't been there yet.

But while I may not pour my soul and heart into Savitri's protest, Will Thomas has no soul. And I am not talking about B.B. King's cause, I am talking about the kind of automaton that demons inhabit to enslave the human race. This bonehead actually had this segue:

"Well, if she stays on her hunger strike, I bet she's looking forward to fitting into some of those pretty dresses, huh?"

Wow. My jaw hit the floor. Said with a straight face, both sexist and heartless in one fell swoop. No pause, either, just right to the next segment.

Here's the little scab's blog. It reads like a teleprompter, and it has the feel of something cut at paste to the point whomever writes the entries doesn't even bother to change the font or formats. His bio states he reported live from Turkey during an earthquake, reported on 9/11 and the Columbia disaster (name a news anchor who did NOT cover those stores at that time), and has actually won two Emmys as well as "also the 1st place winner of the prestigious Willian [sic] Randolph Hearst National Journalism Competition." Not for spelling, I'll tell you that.

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