punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

It's Mark's fault

The Christian religions have the Devil, but what do us neo-pagan-whatevers have? The DMV and Post Office? No. I will start an anti-hero. A nemesis. And it is based on a real event.

Okay, if anything has anything go wrong in their life, blame Mark.

Mark came to us in 1986. I was with friends in a central square in my high school, when from on yonder, Mark came unto us and said:

"That's it! Everything is my fault!"

I peered at this vision, and blinked in wonder. What did Mark just say? He was ranting like a madman, seized and tormented by demons or something. Truly, this was a moment to remember.

"What?" wombat1138 said.


"Everything?" I asked. Surely, Mark, that is dramatic.

"Even when it rains?" Kate asked.

"EVERYTHING!!" Mark ranted. Surely he was touched by something. "EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE IS ALWAYS MY FAULT! OR ANYONE'S LIFE!!!" I swore I heard a choir of angels. This was truly a moment worthy of an Oracle at Delphi.

"How convenient!" Kate exclaimed, who was always the brighter one in our group.

Thus, the Scour of Mark was born in the Satanic Cult of the Smiley Face. Whenever anything bad happened, we blamed Mark. He said everything, and anything bad that happened especially, was his fault. He would insist this for days until finally we relented to the wisdom of the voices that spoke though him. Later, weeks later, we would come down from his vision, and proclaim he was having a bad day at the time, and to stop blaming him for everything.

But we knew better! He had been taken over by a divine prophesy, and given us a scapegoat! When a hotel comes down on you for having too many people at a convention in your room, Mark is to blame! When your parents grounded you for something your older sister did, Mark made them do it! Mark re-elected Reagan! Mark gave me strep throat! Mark even spoils honey!

Mark is a good name to be at fault. It denotes "target." Later on, the wisdom of a nemesis became more apparent when one cannot control the series of events in their life, and need a temporary resting place of angst until you regain control.

Sadly, the downside of this, is if you actually know someone named "Mark." They may think you are blaming them, and not the Scour of Mark, and was proclaimed in McLean in 1986. This is why I cannot bring the Scour of Mark to the local anime community*. The Scour of Mark presents a similar problem to those named Adolph after 1939.

Perhaps I need to think of a better name.

(*... sorry, deepthink)
Tags: childhood
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