punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Lying: When you are accused

The other day, someone publicly accused me of making up a story about a friend of mine who hid her GPA so she could get boyfriends under her premise that "men don't like smart women, they feel intimidated." Of course, this "callout" was from a guy. He claimed I stole the plot form a movie called "Angel," which is a movie about how a student made money by being a prostitute by night. I haven't seen the movie, but he linked to a page that was rating the video release. I recall his exact words, "Did you learn of this when you both were working for Her Majesty's Secret Service?"

I don't get accused of lying much, so I never learned how to handle it. There's the intellectual path that states it doesn't matter what someone else thinks as long as you are honest and keep on the path of truth and justice, and while I try and keep on that path, it bugs me all the same. My life is weird enough without making up stories about people I know. I mean, if I were to make up stories, I'd claim to be rich and successful and that sort of thing. But the fact is, I don't need to.

I also learned years ago that some people can't be made to change their minds. Back when I was in retail, I had an assistant who did not believe I knew someone called Rogue. Such a person was surely the imagination of a creative and childlike mind, he thought. So one day, I asked Rogue to drop by. My assistant was stunned, to say the least. I asked her to tell him stuff I said about her, and she was great and patient. He had never met anyone he considered "abnormal," and for days he was kind of scared, like his universe had been smacked. Finally, he decided I hired an actress to dress up like Rogue just to make a point. Like, whatever! Then some Crunchland citizens decided I was TOTALLY making up my life. I mean, everything, wife, kids, book, fandom, the whole thing. They "called" me on everything, and no matter what proof I furnished, they didn't believe me. I learned that really, in the end, some people HAVE to believe what they want to. My parents were like that. I can never honestly say I have never lied, because by the age of 12, I had learned that it wasn't the truth that mattered to my parents, it was what they wanted to hear. This PISSED me off to no end because they could shift their reality, and all I had was my memory. I got in more trouble telling the truth than I did lying. I swore to my future self that when I became an adult, I would NEVER lie or live this kind of life again!

I have no idea how anyone could sustain an entire lifestyle of lying, like how pathological liars do, because... Jesus, how can you remember what you said to who? Gads, what a horrific database that would be. I can barely remember what I ate yesterday, much less a huge stack of lies and personas that being a PL would require. So I stick to truth, thank you. A LOT less to remember.

Of course, then there are dodges and half-truths. I have told my share of them. Being someone who doesn't lie because of moral belief and convenience is really, really hard in today's world. Here's an example of two major tactics I have used:

The dodge:
Person: Tell me what you think of my poetry!
Punkie: I am not a good judge of poetry. Ask someone who is.
[or]
Punkie: I am sorry, but I have to go. I had a wonderful time.

The true half-truth:
Person: Tell me what you think of my poetry!
Punkie: I thought it was a collection of words artfully arranged [art is subjective].
[or]
Punkie: I enjoyed many parts of it [the pauses, and especially the part where you were finished].

These never work well against those who TRULY want to know how you feel. "What did you like best about my poetry?" would rat me out like a flashlight in the chicken coop. So even though I didn't make up that story about the girl who hid her GPA, I still feel on the defensive. "Of course it's true," I want to scream. "Why the hell would I make up such a tragic story?" Then I spend time reexamining my own memories going, "It's true, right?" All because some dude wanted attention. Asshat.

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000061.html
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