punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,
punkwalrus
punkwalrus

Just Back Away...

Remember the Asshat I was talking about previously? Well, he's out to "take me down," apparently. He's "called" me on another story about someone who tried to break up my marriage (long story, over ten years ago), and while I might have let that slide, two people have now told me he's sent them private messages "proving" that I am a liar. How? Links to you-know-where.

Okay, now I have two theories on this. One, he is from the old board or knows someone who is, and STILL has a vendetta for some reason. Or two, he's not associated with the board at all, but found the link back through my page or a search on Google or something. Either way, honestly, is pathetic. I mean, once it gets to going behind someone's back to prove what a fraud they are, especially if it's not something that even affects you, it's a power play. A desperate, childish power play.

Of course, now I have to decide what to do next. I could ignore him, which is what I did for so long at the old board, which made them mad, and try harder. Eventually, they E-mailed all my friends and called them dykes, losers, or pretended to be other people saying I was saying stuff about them (including coworkers, like "Punkie is out for your job. I heard him tell your boss you came to work drunk. Just thought you should know..."). That was over four years ago. When I think back to those days, it's almost parallel. I am on boards during a bad period of my life, where the boards are a good support. I am being called a liar by one angry dude.

Being called a liar is like an Achilles heel for me. At the age of 18, on my own, starting a new life... I was DETERMINED to be an honest, totally truthful person. Yes, I had to learn that honesty can be painful to others, so I also had to learn to be constructively honest, not like, "That dress makes you look funny." This is what led to the "half truths" philosophy in my earlier blog post. But I spent the first 18 years of my life in some fantasy land where my parents determined and changed reality almost weekly, where denial was the main staple that tried desperately to hold everything together. It was like an oath, like never smoking, drinking, or taking illicit drugs. I was so BURNED by lies I could never predict (or even remember), I was determined that I would never go back to that kind of lifestyle again. But sadly, it seems that people lie a lot. A few years ago, I learned they lie a LOT more than I could have ever imagined, sometimes (and this astonishes me) people lie for no reason (or at least, any reason I can figure out). And this has made being in the real world very difficult at times. Like now.

I know the advice I always give, "Those who accuse and shame others for behavior often are trying to deny it in themselves." You know, like how some preachers say sex is a sin, but then are found later in a hotel room with a prostitute. Some call it hypocrisy, but I call it projection. Either way, it doesn't help.

A friend with the handle "Poodle" assured me I was taking the high road by not slamming down this jerk, and I trust what she has to say because she's wise and fun to be with, but then there's the advice, "never let someone treat you that way, it only sets the precedent for further similar treatment." But then I think, "anyone who has ever denied lying always looks like they are lying anyway, no matter what the truth is." It's a perception game, and since I can't control others' perceptions, it's a game I cannot win.

Unless I quit while I am ahead. A lot of my friends reading this are laughing at me. "You? Lie? HAH!" They know I don't, and they know what a big deal I make when I am lied to, I take it so personally. Most would advise slowly backing away, and just leave the boards before a repeat of you-know-where happens again. But I'd miss my 3WA buddies so much! Then again, do I want to go through that online hell all over again? Especially right now, with all the other stress I have?

I have no idea what to do, but I am taking a step forwards with this blog entry while thinking of taking a step back. Thus, I am going nowhere, and that sucks. Just step away... slowly...

This entry was originally posted at http://www.punkwalrus.com/blog/archives/00000065.html
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