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13 January 2009 @ 12:39 pm
MTV: My Time is Valuable  
[subject quote from Will Smith during a MTV awards that was running way late]

So, I have a problem with my FiOS. I can reach out to the Internet, but nothing can reach back in. So while I can browse the web and whatnot, nothing that verifies my IP can reach me, so it thinks the address is being spoofed. This fucks up VPNs and the like, so when I work from home, I have to borrow my neighbor's unsecured wireless connection, which is COX, so it's flaky and goes down a lot.

So, after a month or so of this, I call Verizon, and of course, get a bunch of techs who know less about computers than a ten-year old, and I know, I asked her what she thought the problem was. Finally, I enlist the help of my workplace, who finds a Verizon tech who knows what's going on, and he determines he can't see my router, so he sends me a replacement. "It will take 2-3 business days to get there."

I have already replaced the ActionTec router, which had overheated and fried, with a Linksys because Verizon told me I could. The tech said, "I don't know why they told you that, here's a new router."

Two weeks go by, no router.

So I call Verizon today to find out, what the hell? I have to say, their IVR (Interactive Voice Response, that software you can speak to) was pretty good. Then I got a tech, "Brad," who spoke perfect English. He said, "Here's the UPS tracking number," so I look it up and it states it was delivered, left at my front door.

Nope. I don't know who the hell they delivered to, but it wasn't me.

Brad arranges for me to get a new one. I am having this one shipped to work, so someone can sign for it. But in order to do that, we have to have a "trace" put on the old one. Then Brad's competence just fell to the floor. He asked for the new address 3 times, and repeated it to me back wrong each time. It seems he was pressing some button that wiped out his screen. We finally got it right, I am guessing, and then he transferred me to another tech for tracing the old router.

Here I get "Kevin," who has an accent like I had called Bogata. That's fine, I can understand him, but he was confused why I was transferred. He put me on hold several times and then transferred me to another guy, "Steve," who had a thicker accent (sounded Russian) and the background sounded like he was near a waterfall. Steve didn't know what I was asking for, and constantly interrupted me like we were on a severely delayed satellite signal. Steve then transferred me to a guy whose name I didn't get, but sounded like "Jagataw." He had a THICK accent (I think Indian), spoke on his headset like he was several feet away, and possibly in a mushroom-induced trance. In the end, none of them understood what I wanted, and since two of them got confused that "It says you had a router ordered today..." Each time I had to repeat:

- My name, account number, and address
- I was told to have you put a trace on the package
- The tracking number of the package
- Yes, I know a new one was ordered for me today

Finally, the last guy said not to worry about it (I think) in an annoyed tone, and hung up on me.

The total time wasted at work was 1:01 according to my phone, an hour and a minute. Thankfully, being on hold during half of that let me get some work done, but man. At least I could tell people, "I am on hold with Verizon," so it sounded like I was doing actual work.

Let's see if I get my new router. Because I had it shipped to work, I at least will have a signature and 24x7 receiving. If it is shipped to the right address, that is.
 
 
 
Aynne: head bangaynne_witch on January 13th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
sounds like Lily Tomblin doing Ernestine would have been more help
Darkevilpassion8 on January 14th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
yup, sounds like verizon. one time i was reduced to shreiking hysterically into the phone, "no, your name is NOT SHAWN!!!! It is Punjab, or Watah, or something similar, but it IS NOT SHAWN!!!!!"

later, i was as embarrassed as hell. but it seemed like a good idea at the time.