punkwalrus (punkwalrus) wrote,

My AMA Speech Notes

So while going through my iPhone notes, I found my notes for AMA. I figured I should annotate them because I am funny and you may all bow to my silly glory. These were notes I took during the rehearsal and run through. Most I used on stage. Some I did not, so consider this "deleted scenes" in the DVD commentary.

Soul brothers and soul sisters
Can I hear a ramen???

I used that line to mediocre laughs. I was going to do this whole "Let's Go Crazy" Intro like Prince, but halfway through writing it, I wondered if my audience would know who he was. Plus, I was so close to the Bible belt, I could see the muffin top from the Hampton Roads windows. I didn't know if I would be set fire to. So I scrapped that idea, and just kept that line.

I know you are all asking yourself, who is this clown? Or what happened to Rob Lantz, he really let himself go...!

Rob was the former emcee. He's like 3 feet tall and so skinny, if he turns sideways, he vanishes. I am much larger, but still not large enough to be classified a planet. I worked with Rob a LOT on "Whose Katsu is it Anyway?" so I knew he could take a joke. Sadly, people laughed as if they DID wonder who the hell I was, and why was Rob so fat?

Entry 3: if someone told me, at age 7, I'd be on stage with Josie and the Pussycats when I grew up, I'd have said,"But of course! Stud."

Sadly, this joke didn't get used. During rehearsal, they dressed up as Josie and the Pussycats. They had a vastly different set of costumes when they did the final show. I was a little disappointed. I wanted to be kissed by Melanie.

Entry 4: I don't come here on stage and make fun of YOUR fanfic! I'll remind you I am very popular on Usenet...

The skit joke ended with online fanfic. This was my addition. This joke did really well. People love bad fanfic jokes.

Thank the tech crew.

Back in the FanTek days, if you didn't bow to the tech crew, they shut off the lights, but it still wasn't dark enough to make a daring escape. The audience didn't know what to do with this line, so I got a confused, "Yaaay...?" Poor AMA tech crew gets no lovin'.

Entry 5: I tried recycling once. Then I tried it again. And again. And again. This joke, for instance, is made out of 35% post-otaku waste. If you don't like it, you're just part of the problem.

There was a recycling joke I was tailing on. This joke totally bombed.

Entry 8: Sailor Moon is a popular Japanese Anime, and what the US Navy does to passing Somalian Pirates. Showing up as Tuxedo Mask to your prom is not as romantic as one might think, my date dressed as Carrie... after the fact.

People laughed, but I was later told no one knew who "Carrie" was.

Entry 9: nice to be reminded just how bad I am at video games. If you left saving the world up to me, we'd be overrun with more zombies than a Bangladesh call center.

This joke killed. The audience kind of went all Norman Lear sitcom audience on that last line. "OH NO HE DI'NT!"

I want to remind everyone I am still popular on Usenet, and not just for "My Neighbor Totoro, Big Bear Love," which won an award, but my Wolfs Rain vs Digi Charat. Yeah, that's me. Jealous?

Total. Bomb. I think they thought I was serious, and pitied me.

Entry 10: That skit made me uncomfortable. I need a grown up to explain it away for me.

That joke did well.

Entry 12: that skit made about as much sense as a Japanese game show. I was on on a Japanese game show once, where I was electrocuted for octopus. Wait, no, that was a Lovecraft novel.

I was later told by Tiki that the "Dune" and "Lovecraft" jokes were sad holdovers from my sci-fi convention days, and I may want to modernize my jokes. Ouch.

Thank the tech crew.

This was met with a blank stare. The tech crew did not go "woop woop" or anything. Dammit!

Entry 13: macross joke?

This got moved down a few entries.

Thank Tiki, Tiffany, and Ricky

Audience cheered.

Entry 14: I marketed a washing detergent for Anime fandom once. Could wash out any stain. Even that toxic stuff in energy drinks. Came in two kinds: Vanilla fresh and an extra strength for gamers!

Not as much of a punch as I would have hoped, because people kind of laughed after I said "Toxic stuff in energy drinks," and didn't hear the second part. This reminded me of the many times in Prune Bran, when a mediocre joke I wrote in a skit would get a riotous laugh, and a really good joke would be met with silence. Sometimes the weirdest stuff will hit.

I have been just told Backstage that the Excel Saga is not a Microsoft product.

Best joke of the evening. I even got some girls to go, "Awwww...."

Entry 16: you picked a bad time of year to be in an ice climbers skit. You should have chosen that Beach Volleyball game.

Again, in rehearsal, they were dressed as "Ice Climbers" from the Nintendo game, but not when the Cosplay happened. Man... I liked this joke.

Macross Plus is some of my favorite Anime. If there's one thing more awesome that robot suits, it's windmills. Lots and lots of windmills.

I should have listened to that inner voice that the joke wasn't funny. It was right. I got a few pity chuckles from the judges, though.

So those are my notes.
Tags: ama, anime, con, conventions
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